a synopsis of my Christmas festivities...

I know it's been a while since I was here. But life caught up with me and basketball games, Christmas celebrations, and long vacations got in the way of writing. But I'm back, and determined to write with more consistency.

I just got back from a long vacation to the beautiful state of Washington. I got to spend time with my dear friend Diane, who moved to Seattle after she graduated a year and a half ago, and this was the first time I'd seen her since her big move. It was wonderful to spend time with her again - she's good for my soul - and I really do love Seattle in spite of it's copious amounts of rain and humidity. My time with Diane was far too short, but I'm grateful that I got to see her at all. I just hope it isn't another year and a half until I see her again! This is us at "the wall" in Queen Anne...even though you can't see it, the view behind us was incredible!

After my wonderful three days with Diane, I got to spend the day with another of my dearest friends. Eric is awesome and drove all over the state to transport me from Diane's house to my aunt and uncle's house in northern Washington. In the process I got to see his hometown (Conway, WA - population 84. Whoo!), meet his family, and catch up on life. Eric is, simply put, the best of friends and a person who has bettered my life just by being a part of it. This is us enjoying Mt. Vernon. You should go there sometime - the water tower has tulips painted on it.

Eric dropped me off at my aunt and uncle's house in Van Zandt, WA (I don't know what it's population is because it's so small it isn't even listed on Wikipedia. Let's just say that Van Zandt has three town buildings - a church, a community hall, and a general store. It's kind of awesome.) I spent the rest of my vacation there, celebrating Christmas with my incredible family. I have truly been blessed with an amazing family whose company I enjoy greatly. It was slightly chaotic - 12 adults, 3 little kids, 1 toddler, 1 baby, 1 dog, and 1 puppy - but so perfect in that chaos. This is my cousin, Avery. My aunt has decided that Avery is a mini-Kelsey - not so much in appearance, but because she's a complete goofball and goes about 100 miles an hour all the time. She's just a doll:

Here is the newest animal addition to the Quinlan family - her name is Bailey. She likes to eat bark, and she was definitely the most popular member of the family over this break, especially with the kids.


And this is Macoy. He is the newest human member of the Quinlan family, and he's so cute it makes me want to cry. I see the goodness of God in those chubby cheeks and big blue eyes - what a gift and blessing this child is to our family. I only wish I could see him more than twice a year. Bathtime made for some adorable pictures:

All in all, a perfect vacation. I can't imagine a better way to spend Christmas. And now I'm back, re-settling into a life that is, one day at a time, becoming my own.

life as of late.

I am anxiously awaiting the decision of the district....will school be open tomorrow or will the sub-zero temperatures win and let me sleep in and stay cozy in my sweats all day?

COME ON SNOW DAY!!!

In other news...life is moving at warp speed as of late. New York came and went in the blink of an eye, 3 months since California came and went without time for reflection, and Seattle is on the quickly approaching horizon. I'm glad for the busyness and the way in which I have settled into my life here, but the quickly approaching future always holds a bit of anxiety for me. I must remember, though - one. day. at. a. time. And this today holds quite a bit of joy for me.

I'm coaching a freshman girls basketball team....they are just all kinds of awesome. They're great in that awkward 14 year old way that I'm learning to find quite endearing. And, of course, I'm loving getting to coach and pseudo-play the game that I love so much. Added bonus: my dad is another of the coaches, so we're getting to spend a ton of time together.

Life as of late....well - has been great.

And I'm so grateful.

I Want to Go (Back) There!: Prague, Czech Republic

This edition of I Want to Go There! varies slightly from the others in that it has to do with a place I have actually already been. However, Prague is pretty darn close to the top of my list of places to return to, so I think it fits in here just fine. (Plus, as I probably don't need to remind you, my blog, my rules.)


I have been to Prague once before, during my junior year of college when I spent a semester in Europe. (You can read about my first impressions of Prague right here.) It was, without a doubt, one of my favorite of the 17 different cities I visited during that semester. I was captivated by the beauty of the city, as well as the vibrant cultural life. From the beautiful Charles Bridge to the incredibly impressive Prague Castle, the city has so much beauty and life to offer to those who visit.

The Czech Republic (or Czechoslovakia, as it was known in the not-too-distant past) has had an interesting and difficult past, but in the past 20 years or so it has really come so far. My mom visited Prague when Czechoslovakia was still under Soviet rule, and she says the difference in the appearance and attitude of the city from then until now is unbelievable.

Despite the six days I spent in Prague a couple of years ago, there is still so much there I want to see and experience, which is why I want to go (back) there!

New York New York!

For Thanksgiving this year, my family decided to ditch the traditional turkey feast and head to New York for a fantastic family vacation. We went with some dear family friends that my parents have known since before I was born and everyone had a perfectly lovely time. As my dad and Erica (Mead daughter #1) had never been to New York before, we did all the major things there are to do in New York - Central Park, Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Times Square, Broadway, The Rockettes, and lots of walking. We also were lucky enough to see the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade from some excellent front row "seats" (we weren't actually sitting....), and I have to say - the parade is much cooler in person than on tv! All in all, an excellent vacation with my amazing parents and some wonderful friends.

Stacy & me in Central Park:

Dad & Keith walking through "The Mall" (the most famous section of Central Park):

Family photo in Central Park:

Horton! He was my favorite of the many parade balloons (which are HUGE, btw!):

And finally, a group shot on Liberty Island:

My best friend's wedding...

My best friend in the world is getting married!! Rachelle and Ryan are perhaps my favorite couple ever, and I couldn't be more thrilled that they are going to spend the rest of their lives together.

I am just so happy that I had to share with the whole world (via my blog that gets read by about two people...). Congrats, Shell and Ryan!!!!!!

I Want to Go There!: Torres del Paine National Park

Torres del Paine National Park, located in southern Chile, first came onto my radar when I stumbled across a picture of it while flipping through a South America travel book (thanks, Rick Steves!) I didn't know anything about the park, but I was amazed at the stunning natural beauty.

Apparently the park is a popular hiking destination in Chile, with hiking trails that range from day hikes to 8-9 day backpacking adventures. The trails wind through the park, which holds mountains, glaciers, lakes, rivers, and some rare plant and animal life. Besides hiking, the park also offers horseback rides, sailing, kayaking, rock climbing, fly fishing, and many camp spots. Basically, it sounds like the outdoorsman's dream. The park rangers recommend visiting during the months of December - February, during the southern summer. Because the park is located so far south, these months offer an abundance of daylight hours and pleasant temperatures.

Sounds great to me...see you next December, Torres del Paine!

I Want to Go There!: Prince Edward Island

I've lately been inspired by some of my friends (Eric, Elise, and Kellie to name a few) who have been writing some series in their blogs. I think I want to begin my own series of sorts. It's going to be called: I Want To Go There! Since I'm basically travel-obsessed right now, I'm going to put some of my spare time at work to good use and research some of the places I want to visit. And then I'm going to write about my findings here. Perfect!

So, without further ado: I Want To Go There! installment #1: Prince Edward Island


I've wanted to travel to Prince Edward Island (or PEI to those in the know) ever since I was a child and read my childhood favorite book, Anne of Green Gables over and over and over again. Then I watched the movie and it was a done deal - I knew I had to get to PEI at some point in my life. According to PEI's official website, The Gentle Island (such a quaint nickname!) is much more affordable than you may think, and the "tranquil days, stunning views, and dazzling colours are all free!" PEI is a well-known golf destination, and while I'm not much of a golfer, the beautiful costal courses are appealing even to me! The island also offers a variety of sightseeing and historical tours, the most exciting of which (to me, anyway) is the Anne of Green Gables tour. And, most of all, the island itself seems to be absolutely beautiful.

So...someday soon I will get myself to PEI.

And hopefully I'll find myself a Gilbert Blythe while I'm there.

Thank you for reading. Please tune in next time for installment #2 of I Want to Go There! (destination TBA).

flippin' your fins you don't get too far...

All day I've had "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid stuck in my head.  It's mostly been the line: "...but who cares?  No big deal....I want morrree!" but other parts of the song have been making random appearances also.  

This is in no way unusual or embarrassing for me.  What is embarrassing, however, is getting caught singing that line (loudly) in the bathroom at work when you think you are alone...  

I was simultaneously washing my hands and having a momentary lapse into childhood - enjoying the excellent acoustics provided by the tile floor and walls and singing into a fake microphone - when out walked a woman I didn't know from one of the stalls.  What do you even do in that situation?!  Stop singing and apologize?  Laugh?  Keep singing?  Walk away with your head down and pretend it never happened?  I went for the last option, but I would definitely be open to suggestions for what to do if it happens again (because let's be real...this is me we're talking about - it probably is going to happen again.)

But hey - such is a day in the life of me...and I love it.

has it really been a year?

One year ago tomorrow, there was a fire.

It's simple to remember the fear and sorrow.  It doesn't take much prompting to remember the feeling of ash ground in to my skin as I sifted through the remains next to a teary-eyed professor hoping to find just one photo left intact.  I often remember driving up to campus that first time and seeing buildings black and sunken to the ground.

What I choose to remember, however, is the community that came together.  I have to fight back tears when I remember standing in a crowded gym surrounded by strangers and friends all clapping in a feeble attempt to thank some very worthy firemen.  And I choose to remember the president of the college bursting in through fire-guarded doors (or so I'm told...) to spend the night in the gym with his students.

But most of all, I cannot help but remember the faithfulness of our great God.

Blessed be His name.

reflections on two months.

I've started this post three different times now.

I don't really know what to say.

I guess the best way to describe the way I've changed in the past month is this: I've stopped looking at this phase of my life as an ending.  I'm learning instead to see a beginning.

...and what a beautiful, difficult, exhausting, terrifying, exciting, snowy beginning it has turned out to be.

time to change.

How you spend your days is how you spend your life.

Thank you for your wisdom, Ms. Dillard.

...how I spend these days is so far from how I want to spend my life.  Sitting inside while the world spins outside my door is not my dream.  I want to spend my days seeing, feeling, tasting, smelling, living...because that is how I want to spend my life.

It must be time for a change.

a war.

Part of me wants a plan.  A schedule would be nice.  The certainty of the future set before me.

Part of me wants to embrace the adventure.  To accept the unknown is it's mission.  The excitement of an unknown future.

These parts are at war.

The outcome is yet to be decided...

The MOXY Project!!!

If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know about the awesome person in my life named Michele Mollkoy. I could just go on and on about her (and, in fact, I have), but this particular time I would like to rave about her new business. One of Michele's greatest gifts is her ability to mentor and coach in a fresh, uplifting, and effective way. The Moxy Project is all about this gift. I strongly encourage you to check out her site, and her blog! I am so excited that Michele has a blog - she has incredibly insightful and thought-provoking things to say. Also, she's an incredible writer.

I am so blessed to know Michele. Go check out her site and see for yourself what an amazing and gifted person she truly is!

www.themoxyproject.com
www.themoxyprojectblog.com

three saturdays a week is something i could definitely support.

Today was a good day.

It snowed today.  And though I have written that sentence in this blog many times in the past seven weeks of my newfound Colorado life, this is the first time that I can say it SNOWED today.  Multiple feet of snow are on the ground outside of my little red house.  The trees are bending under it's weight and my arm muscles may never recover from the strain of all the shoveling.

As a (beautiful and glorious) result of the snow, however, school was cancelled.  And when school is cancelled, so is my job!  I have never been more happy to be awakened at 5:00 in the morning.  And as an added bonus, school is cancelled tomorrow, also.  So tomorrow I get the joy of the unplanned day off without even having to endure the early morning phone calls that typically accompany such days.  I'm so happy - it's like being given the gift of two extra Saturdays!

(Side note - where were all of these snow days when I was a kid?!  I mean, sure - there's a lot of snow.  But when I was in elementary school, this NEVER would have passed as a snow day.  Instead we all would have made the trek to school and spent the day inside wishing we were out in the white washed wonderland teasing us outside those classroom doors.  I think that the Jeffco School District is growing soft in it's old age.)

Today was a day of sweats, reading, tomato soup and grilled cheese, wii fit with my dad, and some good tv.  And, to top off an already fantastic day, I got the joy of talking to Eric AND Renee today.

My heart feels cozy and warm as I bring this day to an end: wrapped in a blanket and wrapped in happiness.

amazing grace.

Tonight I opted out on a haunted house outing with some new friends in favor of a movie night in with my daddio.  This decision was partially because on my list of things to do in the world (particularly on a Friday night at the end of a long week), going to a haunted house is at the bottom, followed only by being forced to swim with sharks or spelunking.  (I'm very claustrophobic.  And sharks are just plain scary.)  But mostly I skipped out on the haunted house extravaganza because Dad and I decided to watch the movie Amazing Grace.  If you haven't seen it, go watch it.  Right now.

I'm sitting in bed now with the pressure of unshed tears behind my eyes.  And they aren't tears of sorrow or of loneliness or of anything to do with me, but tears of being completely overwhelmed by the beauty of a story and the wonder of grace.

I long for more moments like this....moments when I am overwhelmed by grace.  This is a moment in which I am remembering my insignificance and the fact that God's love has made me...well...significant.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

mourning the loss of my dear Ralphie.

Today, friends, is a very sad day.  Today is the day we mourn the death of Ralphie aka "Little Bitch."

Ralphie was a great hamster, aside from the short phase of biting with razor-sharp teeth he went through when he was newly purchased.  Besides the fact that he's the cutest animal I have ever personally owned, he was a precious and entertaining pet.

Ralphie went peacefully, enjoying his favorite activity: napping after a vigorous run on his wheel.

He will be dearly missed and never replaced.

Rest in peace, Ralphie...all of your mommies miss you!

waiting for the laundry to dry.

I'm beyond ready to go to bed right now.  So why am I still awake, you ask?  I will tell you: because I'm waiting for my laundry to dry.  Seriously.  I suppose I could just leave it be and get it out of the dryer in the morning, but then my clothes will be all wrinkly.  Not to mention the fact that the buzzer on the dryer would scare the living daylights out of me if it went off after I fell asleep.  So, all things considered, lying here in bed completely ready to fall asleep and waiting for my clothes to dry seems like the best option.

Maybe I should have started it earlier...oh well: such. is. life.

one of my proudest moments:

College was awesome.

making lists.

My friend (and fellow Coloradan) Kurt is currently traveling Europe on the same study abroad program that I participated in two years ago. I'm loving his blog for selfish reasons (namely, living vicariously through him and pretending that I'm back on the best semester of my life) but also because Kurt is an incredibly insightful and intelligent human being with very interesting things to say. Go check out his blog - you won't be disappointed.

I like to make lists. Mostly I like them because it helps me to stay organized and to accomplish everything that I need to in any given day. But I also like to make lists because I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment when I cross something off of my list. Example: sophomore year at Westmont, during finals week, I made a to-do list that was four pages long. I taped it up on the window next to my desk and crossed things off with brightly colored markers as I completed them. When the last thing had been crossed off, I had a celebration with my next door neighbor that consisted of dinosaur shaped Ritz crackers, hot chocolate, dancing and watching Friends. It was great. And I'd like to attribute some of that greatness to my list.

Sometimes, though, I am guilty of adding things to my list simply so that I will have something to cross off (example: make a to-do list). This stems from the same part of me that would always write my papers single-spaced so I could go at the end and make them double-spaced and feel really good about the amount of pages I had written.

Today was an add-unneccesary-things-to-the-list kind of day.

(Proof: number 3 on my list reads "write a blog entry about making lists".)

Number 3 is now crossed off. And I'm already feeling more accomplished.

my list of travel destinations is growing dangerously long.

I recently added the "Places to See" application for my igoogle homepage.  Every time I refresh the page it shows a new picture of some amazing place that I can only dream of seeing in real life.  I thought it would be a good break from the monotony of text that dominates that page.  Instead it has become a constant reminder of where I'm not.  And yet, I can't bring myself to remove it.  I sit at my desk and refresh time and time and time again so that I can see another picture and add another place to my list of places to see (latest addition: Machu Picchu, Peru, just in case you were wondering.)

The list is growing.

Is it time to adventure on?  I'd like to think so...

Or, at least, I'd like to hope so.

reflections on one month.

One month.

It's amazing to me that so often in my life one month has felt like the smallest amount of time. A month can fly by in a heartbeat. This, however, has not been one of those months. This month, in fact, has lasted for nearly a lifetime.

This has been a month of many tears, many lonely evenings alone, many doubts, and many sorrows. However, this has also been a month of growth, change, reality, and a whole lot of God. This is a month that I will look back on as one of the most difficult of my life. But I will also look back on it as one in which I grew the most.

I don't always believe that brokenness leads to growth. I often find it to be an idea carelessly thrown about within the Christian culture by those who have been taught that the only way to get attention is to appear "broken."  I think there is a lot to be said for being whole and confident in the Lord.  I do know, though, that the Lord uses more ways and means than I could ever understand and, in some cases, brokenness is a means to growth.  And this has been the case for me this past month.  With so many of the things I relied on in my life taken away - friends and a vibrant social life, my own living space, a job I enjoyed, and confidence in my own future (to name just a few) - I have (finally) given up the charade of self-sufficiency and crawled back to the feet of Jesus.

(I don't deserve his mercy, but I abundantly receive it all the same.)

This has been a month that, quite frankly, I would care to never repeat.  But I also know that I am a better person (currently less bright and shiny than usual, but better nonetheless) for having survived it.

And now the only place to go is further on and further in, moving towards the "rest of my life" full of hope and fear and joy and sorrow, but always full of the ever-present Love of God.

sorry, but i don't actually like pumpkin spice lattes.

It is indisputably autumn here in Colorful Colorado. If the vibrant red and gold leaves and crisp, chilly temperatures weren't evidence enough, the Halloween decorations that have appeared over the weekend can certainly provide the proof. There are currently pumpkin lights hanging above the garage and a scarecrow sitting on the porch swing and a graveyard appearing in the yard next door.

Did you know that if you type in http://www.foofle.com/, you will still end up at http://www.google.com/? I'd like to thank the genius computer programmer who anticipated that typo.

I always like to play the one-year-ago-today-I-was.... game. I enjoy thinking back on my life and seeing the ways that I have changed and grown. So....one year ago today, I think I was on the first year retreat with Westmont College, hanging out with two of my favorite men:

Not much has changed since then, honestly...(but everything has changed...) I'm in a new state, a new home, a new job, and a new stage of life. But my heart is in a similar state of tenderness tempered with desperate dependence on God.

Two years ago today, I was in Krakow, Poland. I'm not sure of the exact day, but I was either at Auschwitz Concentration Camp experiencing one of the most surreal and difficult days of my life:

Or I was on The Crazy Communist Tour expreriencing one of the most surreal and entertaining days of my life:

Three years ago today I was, I'm sure, enjoying the confidence and contentment of being a sophomore in college.

The days pass slowly, but the time has gone by so quickly...

And right here, right now, in this year - I'm surviving. There won't be any pretty pictures or exciting memories for me to look back on that will mark this day. Frankly, this day is just another in a long chain of days that find me searching for contentment amidst the mix of courage and fear. But I hope that, one long (but really quite short) year from now, I will be able to look back on this day as a day that I lived fully.

That would be enough for me.



Thank you, Lord, for this gift of life.

emergency rooms and animal crackers.

So, for the past year and a half, I've been doing this one-word-for-the-post-title thing. And, while it has worked well for me, I think that this post (the first post of October) will mark a new period. One in which I do whatever I want for the blog title.

ANYWAY....

The leaves are changing and the autumn weather has blown in during the night. I walked outside this morning to be greeted by temperatures that leave your cheeks rosy and your fingers tingling long after you've retreated to the warmth of the indoors. I actually love this weather - I just need to get used to it again. My blood has been thinned by my years of living in Santa Barbara, where 50 degrees is considered "freezing." From where I sit in my office, I can just catch glimpses of the blue sky peeking out from behind the leaves caught somewhere between green and gold. My dad and I are going to go hike up in the mountains this weekend - I'll be sure to post pictures next week so that all of you who live in a place devoid of seasons can be jealous of the beautiful place I live in now.

Things are pretty lowkey in my life right now. It's funny when I talk to friends in Santa Barbara because it seems like SO much happens in their lives every day. I suppose that's to be expected with school and jobs and a lot of people around things just happen much more quickly. For me, however, life consists of work and church and not much else - it just moves a bit slower.

Tuesday, however, was a crazy day. Let's just say that I spent the majority of it with a ten year old in the emergency room.

No, actually, let's say more: I was walking through the parking lot on Tuesday morning when I saw a counselor running towards me. She informed me that one of our girls had hit her head on the playground and was "bleeding everywhere." I, of course, snapped into Supermom mode and ran over to the little girl, and they were right. She was bleeding EVERYWHERE. It was, frankly, quite disgusting. After a few minutes of evaluation and a phone call with her dad, I decided to take her to the ER so they could look at it and see if she needed stitches. Well, multiple hours, lots of blood, and a fight between me and the lady who wouldn't check us in because I "wasn't the parent" (I won, by the way. Don't mess with me when I'm wearing the daycare polo and have a bleeding child with me.) we learned that she would, in fact, need something to help heal her head, and staples were the method of choice. Luckily, Dad walked in right before they were about to put seven staples into this poor child's head, so he got to be the one to deal with the paperwork while I comforted (and nursed my fingers that she may have fractured she was squeezing them so hard). Needless to say, it was quite the adventure. Also, she showed up this morning and was super excited to show off her staples, so I'm pretty sure she's doing okay.

Alright, my government mandated 15-minute break is now over, so I'm off to do such exciting things as ordering mass amounts of animal crackers from Sam's Club and filling out a CCAP attendance report.

Hope you're all having a wonderful, adventurous day.

pictures.

Earlier this weekend, I decided to finally transfer some old pictures onto this computer, which I got during my junior year of college.  I couldn't stop laughing at all of the wonderful people and silly moments I found from my first two years at Westmont.  So, because it's my blog and I can, I'm going to share some of the favorites with you:

(Disclaimer: they're in reverse order of when they happened, but I'm too lazy to switch it all around.  Again - my blog, my rules.)

The girls at spring formal sophomore year:

Possibly the most disturbing photo - Will, Brandon, & Jason at Spring Sing:

Ha.  I have no idea:

Eric and I during Potter's Clay sophomore year - why does he have marker on his chin?!  Also, I am VERY excited:

B. Woods as a leaping gazelle.  Impressive, no?:

Juliann and Scott at Sadie's - polar opposites:

Ryan and Jon all buckled in & safety conscious on our sophomore year camping trip:

The Boodles looking glamourous at Emily's birthday celebration:

Josiah.  'Nuff said:

hahaha.  Christie looks like a fish:

giant group of pumpkin carvers/pumpkin gut throwers sophomore year:

I just love this one:

Brandon and Jon being, well, Brandon and Jon:

Me being super hardcore in Montana the summer after freshman year...:

...followed by Emily & I realizing that it's impossible to be super hardcore when you're wearing these glasses:

I've been so blessed....

:)

silence.

Tonight I'm writing in silence.  I'm generally a background music kind of girl (well, actually, I'm a sing along really loudly and sometimes dance to the music kind of girl, but that doesn't always lend itself to a good writing environment).  

But tonight music would wash away the sounds of laughter and love and friendship (even from miles away) that my heart needs to imprint before I close my eyes.  So I write to remember.  But I write in silence.

(thank you for: friends-for sharing little moments-for laughter and honesty-for warm apple pie---for falling asleep with a smile).

life.

This is a picture of me as a child. Feel free to make fun of me. Everyone does.

I feel like I've been extra-specially dramatic lately.  And, to be fair, I'm in a stage of my life that speaks to the dramatic...life changes tend to do that.  However, I miss the humor and joy that I am typically able to find in the small moments.  So, for the next few minutes anyway, I'm going to search for the joy.

I'm sitting in Starbucks right now, utilizing their free internet (thanks to having a registered gift card...) because the internet at my house currently isn't working.  This shouldn't be a big deal, really, except for the fact that 90% of my current social life depends on the internet....thank you gmail and facebook chat.  Anyways, I'm just sitting here at an out of the way table right by the door to the patio, minding my own business, when a girl walks in and falls down.  Seriously.  She just fell down right in front of me and spilled her coffee all over my feet.  Now, maybe this makes me a bad person, but I almost started laughing.  Who does that?!  Don't get me wrong...I was (and still am) concerned for her well-being, but as soon as she stood back up and assured me that she was, in fact, okay - it was all I could do to keep from laughing outloud.  I mean, come on - that's funny.  Really, it's funny because it's the kind of thing that would happen to me.

Also today, I got to actually hang out with the kids at work.  Usually I only spend a few minutes with them, picking them up from school or hanging out with them until a counselor comes back from the bathroom, but today we were short-staffed, so I got to spend a good amount of time with them.  They were insane.  Maybe it's because of the cold weather or maybe it was the fact that there were some new kids or maybe some sort of alignment of planets and moons...but for whatever reason they were wild children.  So, I did what any logical person would do in that situation - I made them run laps.  For every lap they did around the playground, I gave them one Skittle.  (It's amazing what you can get kids to do with the promise of candy...).  I can't even begin to tell you how funny it is to see 25 kids running in circles around a playground and then ending in front of me with hands extended for one single Skittle.  Best moments of my job thus far.

And now I'm going to go back to listening to the incredibly talented Elise Witek...her album has become the soundtrack for my life since I moved back to Colorado (go download it on iTunes right now...).  And I think I'll read the latest entry on my friend Eric's blog.  You should probably go read it.  He's pretty funny, I guess.

Have a good night.

And here's to finding the joy...

love.

Bundled in my flannel pj pants and an old highschool sweatshirt, tonight I rocked myself on the porch swing, enjoying the kind of chill that only follows a perfect Colorado day.  I listened to the silence (which is not actually silence at all, but the sound of life being lived) and felt little pieces of my heart start to fall back into place as I remembered just how much I love this place.  With the breeze cooling my cheeks and the crickets singing in the background, I finally let my mind wander in a way that I've resisted until now, afraid of what may appear there.  

I thought about two weeks (that feel like a lifetime) ago, when I was surrounded by the most wonderful of friends.  I thought about each person in that tiny apartment, there simply to say goodbye to me, and thanked God for who they are - for who they have helped me to become.  I miss them (I miss all of you) in a way that doesn't fade with time.  Photos hang on the walls and cover the many flat surfaces of my new room...reminders of happy times with those dearest to my heart.

And though it hurts (it actually physically hurts) my heart, the smile which graces my lips when I think of that goodbye party (and every moment that went into every friendship represented there) reminds me that the ache in my heart simply exists because of the many blessings I have been given.

And now, I fall asleep with a heart quiet and peaceful because of the Love of God...the Love that sat next to me on the swing and speaks to me in the evening breeze.

update.

I decided it was time for a life update that is a little less vague and emotional than the past few have been.  Today, for the first time in a week, I felt the smallest glimmer of joy again.  I'm still far from perfect, far from not being lonely.  But today, it feels like somewhere, somehow, my world will be right again.  

I went to a new church this morning, all by myself.  I just walked in, went right up to the information table and started asking questions and signing myself up for things all over the place.  If I'm going to make friends here, I'm going to have to be intentional about it and put in a little bit of effort.  Anyway, I loved this church.  It's a younger congregation, but still lots of families around; modern music, but not out of control; lots of small groups and home groups to get involved with; and 80% of the congregation was wearing either North Face or Patagonia jackets.  And, if that wasn't enough to draw me in, the message was unbelievable.  It's like the pastor read my blog and my journals of the past month and then preached about it.  I sat in the back with tears welling up, this time not because I was sad or lonely or scared, but simply because of the awesome power and sovereignty and LOVE of God.  He is so good.

Here are some photos of my life in Colorado:

My parents' house (and mine too, for the time being), complete with Heidi in the driveway:

My new room in my parent's house (please note the peach-colored walls and the fact that Friends is playing on the TV):

And another angle:

And my most faithful companions for the past week...

Crazy-sweet Ellie girl:

and Jeff the Cat:

(Eric - I was going to include a picture of Vanessa for you in this section also, but then I remembered that I can't. Because she's invisible. So you'll just have to imagine what she looks like.  I'll give you a hint, though - she looks like me, only I'm way prettier...obviously.)

Yes, my heart still hurts and I'm still feeling a bit lost and confused.  However, as I sit here on the back porch in the perfect fall weather, with the sunlight spilling into my lap and a cool autumn breeze ruffling my hair across my face, the parts of my heart that so deeply longed for this place are waking up.  It will take some time, but I think I can learn to love life here. 

God is good, isn't He?

I'll leave you with two things:

1) The lyrics to the Alexi Murdoch song "All My Days".  If you don't know this song, go download it right now.  Seriously - right now...this can wait.

Well I have been searching all of my days
All of my days
Many a road, you know
I’ve been walking on
All of my days
And I’ve been trying to find
What’s been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night

Well I have been quietly standing in the shade
All of my days
Watch the sky breaking on the promise that we made
All of this rain
And I’ve been trying to find
What’s been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night

Well many a night I found myself with no friends standing near
All of my days
I cried aloud
I shook my hands
What am I doing here
All of these days
For I look around me
And my eyes confound me
And it’s just too bright
As the days keep turning into night

Now I see clearly
It’s you I’m looking for 
All of my days
Soon I’ll smile
I know I’ll feel this loneliness no more
All of my days
For I look around me
And it seems He found me
And it’s coming into sight
As the days keep turning into night
As the days keep turning into night
And even breathing feels all right
Yes, even breathing feels all right
Now even breathing feels all right
It’s even breathing
Feels all right

2) a picture of me looking (mostly) happy in Colorado.  (Michele - recognize the scarf?  Also, I wore one of the sweaters I bought when we were at Old Navy together yesterday, so it's like we were hanging out.  It's my new favorite article of clothing.)

I pray that today you will be overwhelmed with the strength of the love of God....

(...and then even breathing will feel alright.)