humanity.

Coffee shops have become my lifeline in the past week. Coffee shops with free wireless internet, that is. The internet that I'm paying for in my apartment isn't working, so I drag my butt out of the house and go sit somewhere else and steal their internet. It's given me interesting perspective, though.

I've always come to coffee shops in order to study - as a reprieve from the monotony of my desk at home or the bright, lifeless lights of the library. Being here with no true intention, however, it is a nice change. To be able to read or blog or simply just sit and watch people...I'm quite thoroughly enjoying it.

I'm currently tucked back into a corner, sitting in the table that is basically an afterthought. It's as though the owners saw a spot that might possibly be able to hold a table and decided to put one there, even though it's actually in the hallway, right next to the kitchen, constantly being bumped into by passing trashcans and busy workers carrying boxes of supplies. It's a wonderful spot to sit and watch. There are the diligent students - laptops out, headphones on, books spread out everywhere, desperate for a few hours of productivity that seem so hard to come by. Then there are the struggling artists or authors, enjoying their coffee, sketching, writing, basically fully embracing the stereotype that has been built surrounding them. There are the busy people - only stopping in to grab a drink in the chaos of their daily lives. And there are those like me - simply here to relax. They read their papers, sip their drinks, have meaningful conversations with their friends, or just sit and watch.

There is so much that is so human in this one little room. Each person here has a story, a family, a background, a whole life that I know nothing about. Part of me desires to take of my headphones and go meet them, hear a little part of their story, make some sort of connection with those people with whom I have shared the same air for the past hour. But I know that I will stay here, tucked in my corner, observing. Because in observing, it's like I get to know them in a different way.

I know the woman in front of me, because I see the way she hunches over her computer and gets closer to it when it seems like she's concentrating. The man next to her runs his hand through his hair while he reads, and, when his phone rings, he holds it against his shoulder and attempts to read, even while he has a conversation. And it makes me wonder - what do people see when they observe me? Do they see someone with a sense of peace and joy surrounding her? Does she look happy, friendly? I hope she does...

And the most interesting thing to me is that, despite the vast differences of every single person in this room, we are all so very human. And here's the thing about humans: everyone needs compassion and love that never fails...everyone needs forgiveness, kindness of the Saviour, the Hope of the nations. The song those lyrics come from has become one of my favorites lately. God is so mighty to save...

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

My Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything i believe in
Now i surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

~Mighty to Save by Hillsong

home.

Well, here I am. Back at home. Well, one of my homes, anyway. It's strange to feel this mix of sorrow and joy when I arrive back here. Sorrow for what I have left behind, but joy for what is so very present in this place. The joy is quickly winning out, however, and I am so excited to be here. With each new person I see and familiar place I visit, I am reminded of how very much this place truly is home. I am so blessed.

The drive out here was long, but basically uneventful. The main attraction was my dad and myself having a punching war while I was driving. The phrase, "you can't touch the driver!!!!" was yelled many times, and I think some bruises may show up later. We stopped last night in Thousand Oaks and spent the night with my cousin, Len, and his wife, Aimee. They are just genuinely wonderful people, and time I get to spend with them is always a joy. It was a nice break from sitting in the car, and their "dog" Moxy (who I suspect is actually the bat from Anastasia come to life) always provides infinite entertainment.

Today we drove to Santa Barbara and got all moved in. Moving is always an adventure, but today's adventure wasn't too crazy. Tonight we had dinner with another of my cousins, Shane, and his wife, Anna. Again, wonderful time with family. My parents take off tomorrow, but for tonight it's just me and the parentals, hangin' in the apartment.

It's good to be home :).

courage.

There is so much to be afraid of in life. It would be easy to lock myself away in the name of self-preservation; to avoid the fear and darkness and sorrow of life. But with that fear and darkness and sorrow comes triumph and light and joy and absolute beauty. To lock myself away, to escape from the fear, would be to keep myself from the beauty of life.

Here's to no more hiding.

Here's to the brave, adventurous, humble, fully, bright and shiny woman I aspire to be. God grant me the strength and courage to become her...