Thursday, February 26, 2009

change.

Today (my first official "day off" as a post-college working woman) I went up to campus to pick up my friend Lauren for our long overdue lunch date.  I got there a bit early, so I parked the car and walked around the place that I have called home for the past four years.  The sun was shining through the trees, dropping light in haphazard patterns around my feet, the sky was blue, and there were flowers everywhere.  The areas that were devastated by the fire have begun to sprout new life, and the campus is covered with color and light.  There was a breeze blowing and birds chirping, and I had to just stop and take it all in.  I was almost overwhelmed with thankfulness for the place I was in.

I walked up the path from VK to the DC and I thought about the countless times before that I had walked on that path.  I thought about the person I was the very first time (Admitted Students Day, April 2005) and the person I am now and how much has changed, and yet how much is exactly the same.  I was thankful for the refining work that has been done on me...the ways in which I have grown and matured and become the version of myself that I would very much like to be.  I was thankful for the things I learned and the things I saw and the ways in which I was challenged during my time at Westmont.  

I just stood there, enjoying my surroundings and thinking and I realized that life is moving on.  Already.  Already I'm starting to feel like a visitor on campus instead of someone who belongs.  And while it would have been easy to be sad reminiscing about the past few years (the most amazing ones so far) and thinking that nothing could get better, instead I am choosing to look forward.  I am so thankful for the past four years, but I couldn't be more excited for what the future holds...

And I'll always have this beauty to return to and this place to remember:


goodness.

Today was a really good day.  Long, but good. 

Work just went really well...it stayed busy all day, but not too busy to the point of me feeling overwhelmed.  I made a pretty good amount of money in tips, and I really felt like I knew what I was doing today.  After three days of work, I feel like I can handle pretty much anything that comes my way.  I know this isn't a job that I'd like to have for a really long time, but it's nice for now.  I know I am capable of much more than what this job is requiring of me, but I also know that I need to be faithful with this opportunity and do my best while I am there.

After I got off work I went and had dinner with Jeff, Liane, and Courtney and then we ventured off to our first homegroup meeting.  We joined through Reality, a church here in town that I have recently started attending and hope to make my home church.  I have really been searching for a church in which I can get plugged in and meet people and have a home and a family in Christ, and I hope that Reality is the answer to those prayers.  Our group seems like a great bunch of people, and I'm excited for what the next 12 weeks hold for us.  I'm sure that there is much to be learned and revealed, but what I'm most excited for is the amazing people that I get to meet and talk with and learn from.  One of the few things that I've missed about my life before college is interacting with people of all different ages.  I feel there is so much to be gained from talking to people in all different stages of life and I'm really looking forward to finding that again through this homegroup.  AND I love that I get to share it with Jeff, Li, and Courtney, as they are three people that I really love and respect :).

After we left homegroup (almost an hour after the group had ended....so typical for us four chatty folks!) Jeff and I went up to Li's apartment and hung out with her and her roommate, Larissa.  We laughed A LOT and had a good conversation, and my conversation with Li and Larissa continued until just a few moments ago.  They are two of the most amazing women I know, and I'm so thankful for my newly starting friendship with both of them.  I love how being friends with someone opens up a whole new world of amazing people...that is what happened with these two.  They've been friends with Jeff since the beginning and, due to my "insta-friendship" with Jeff, they've become great friends of mine, as well.  I couldn't be more excited to be friends with them, and I can't wait to see where our friendship goes :). 

And now I'm about to crawl into bed (without setting an alarm!!) and get up tomorrow to enjoy my day off :).

Thank God for wonderful days like today...

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

blessed.

So.

After nearly two months and about a bazillion applications (and subsequent rejections...) I HAVE A JOB!!!!

I'm working at a little bakery in Montecito, right by the grocery store, called Xanadu.  It's been one of my favorite restaurants since the very beginning of my time living in California, and now it's my first site of employment (outside of Westmont, of course) in California.  

It's been interesting for me, working in a totally different environment.  I have a pretty good amount of work experience, but it is all in child care type of situations, so working in a completely different arena has been a learning experience, to say the least.  My hours are super random and not always ideal right now, and I'm not getting paid a whole lot, but it. is. a. job.  And I'm thankful to have it.

God is so faithful.  Despite the many challenges the past 2 months have held for me, the constant presence of my Savior has been more real and more amazing then I have ever experienced before.  There have been so many blessings that have come lately, and they continue every single day.  For every day His mercies are new, and every day I wake up feeling His love and His faithfulness to me.

I have found a new church and I start a home group tomorrow.  I have a job.  I have a tentative idea of a plan for the next few months of my life.  I have the most amazing roommates EVER.  I have wonderful friends and an unbelievable family.  I am SO blessed.

I have a great many stories to share already, even after only 3 full days of work.  Don't worry...they're on the way.  :)

God bless you all, my loved ones....

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

daisy.

If I was going to be a flower, I think I'd like to be a daisy.

They seem happy.

I mean, I like lilies a lot - they're sophisticated and elegant.  And of course I love roses - demure and romantic.  Even tulips often catch my eye, with their inherent optimism.

But despite my moments of sophistication or romance or optimism, I think that I'd like to spend the rest of my life happy.

Yes.
I'd be a daisy.

Friday, February 13, 2009

ralphie.



I'm currently sitting on my living room floor next to my new pet, a dwarf hamster named Ralphie.  My roommates and I have been talking about getting a pet for a while now, and last night we finally took the dive and purchased Ralphie.  Our ideal situation would have been a dog or a cat, but we decided that we needed something a little bit easier to care for.  So then we thought about fish, but those are boring.  So we ended up with Ralphie.  The second the Petco employee pulled him out of the cage and put him in my hands, his precious little face left us no choice.  So now Christie, Christi and I are the proud owners of a 3 inch long ball of fuzz.  



He really is adorable, even if he does poop a lot.

birthday.

Yesterday I turned 22.

That sounds old, especially since I'm fairly certain that just yesterday I was turning 12...

It was a wonderful birthday.  I felt so loved and cherished and valued.  To those wonderful friends who treat me so well, not only on my birthday, but on every single day:  thank you.  Thank you for being the incredible, truthful, life-affirming lights that you are to me.

I am so very blessed.

In other news, my roommates and I purchased a dwarf hamster today.  His name is Ralphie.

Pictures will be coming soon.

Friday, February 6, 2009

captivate.

I'm back.  And significantly less whiny than the last time I was here.  I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: Wednesday....was not a good day.  But things have improved significantly since then.  Every day is a lesson in patience, and some days that lesson is harder than others.  But I'm learning and growing every day.

Last night Christie and I went on a midnight In & Out run, which I haven't done since sophomore year.  But all the way through Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice we both had cheeseburger cravings that were just too strong to ignore, so once the shows were over, we gave in.  On the way we were reminiscing about high school an church youth group, and I told Christie about a youth Sunday service at my church in which I sang a couple of songs for a girl to dance to.  Of course, the humorous part of the story is that because of the space logistics, the band was stuck on side stage where no one could see us...I remember having to climb up on top of an old set for some other production and stand back against the wall while I sang.  It was actually hilarious.  Anyways, when we got home from our cheeseburger run, I started listening to one of those songs that I sang: "My Heart, Your Home" by the band Watermark.  As I was just going about my routine, getting ready for bed, however, the next song on the CD came on, and it stopped me in my tracks... 

"...Captivate us, Lord Jesus
Set our eyes on You
Devastate us with Your presence
Falling down
And rushing river, draw us nearer
Holy fountain consume us with You
Captivate us Lord Jesus, with You..."

I think I need to be devastated with the Lord's presence.  To be fully and 100% captivated by Him.  Even in the midst of all this growing and learning and all the challenges that have been coming my way lately, I'm still more often than not ignoring the One who is guiding me through this time.  But I don't want to anymore.  I want to be devastated by His presence.

Anyway, it's something to think about.

Now I'm going to embark upon this day.  And instead of viewing it as hours of uncertainty, mocking me with the fact that I have no plans, no responsibilities, and (still) no job, I'm going to view this day as a wide open opportunity for adventures that the Lord will surely send my way.

May God bless us all, and devastate us all with His presence, today and always.

(PS - that song is "Captivate Us" by Watermark.  Just fyi...)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

lonely.

Little known fact about unemployment: it's incredibly lonely.

Tomorrow marks one month that I will have been living in Santa Barbara without school, without a job, and often without much company.  Over the past month I have spent most of every day by myself, eager for the end of the school day when my roommates return home and give me some human contact.  

I know I shouldn't be such a Debbie Downer right now.  I had the most amazing week/weekend...I got to spend time (and a lot of it!) with a few of my most favorite people in the world. 

But right now I'm alone.  And I'm lonely. 

It's in moments like this that I find myself so strongly wishing that I could just talk to God and actually physically hear Him answer.  I know He's here, and He makes Himself known in the most beautiful and unexpected ways, but in these lonely moments, I just wish to be able to curl up next to Him and have Him hold me and be totally assured that I am never, never alone.

But, in the words of Lifehouse, "This is over my head but underneath my feet, 'cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat."  Tomorrow is another day, and, thank God, every day His mercies are new.

In other news, today is the first day of my last week of being 21.

May God bless you today, dear friends.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

33.

Also, in a humorous side note, it still makes me laugh every time I drive back into Santa Barbara and see the sign that says, "Elevation: 33 ft."

breathe.

I feel like I can breathe again.

Yesterday was the day I've needed for so long.  Anxieties fell away, worries disappeared, complications were non-existant...I just got to be with one of my very best friends in the world.

We didn't do anything particularly notable.

But it was still one of the best days I've ever had.

I feel so blessed and so thankful for Ashley and for the time we get to spend together, even though we live in different cities.

...I feel like I can breathe again.