update.

I decided it was time for a life update that is a little less vague and emotional than the past few have been.  Today, for the first time in a week, I felt the smallest glimmer of joy again.  I'm still far from perfect, far from not being lonely.  But today, it feels like somewhere, somehow, my world will be right again.  

I went to a new church this morning, all by myself.  I just walked in, went right up to the information table and started asking questions and signing myself up for things all over the place.  If I'm going to make friends here, I'm going to have to be intentional about it and put in a little bit of effort.  Anyway, I loved this church.  It's a younger congregation, but still lots of families around; modern music, but not out of control; lots of small groups and home groups to get involved with; and 80% of the congregation was wearing either North Face or Patagonia jackets.  And, if that wasn't enough to draw me in, the message was unbelievable.  It's like the pastor read my blog and my journals of the past month and then preached about it.  I sat in the back with tears welling up, this time not because I was sad or lonely or scared, but simply because of the awesome power and sovereignty and LOVE of God.  He is so good.

Here are some photos of my life in Colorado:

My parents' house (and mine too, for the time being), complete with Heidi in the driveway:

My new room in my parent's house (please note the peach-colored walls and the fact that Friends is playing on the TV):

And another angle:

And my most faithful companions for the past week...

Crazy-sweet Ellie girl:

and Jeff the Cat:

(Eric - I was going to include a picture of Vanessa for you in this section also, but then I remembered that I can't. Because she's invisible. So you'll just have to imagine what she looks like.  I'll give you a hint, though - she looks like me, only I'm way prettier...obviously.)

Yes, my heart still hurts and I'm still feeling a bit lost and confused.  However, as I sit here on the back porch in the perfect fall weather, with the sunlight spilling into my lap and a cool autumn breeze ruffling my hair across my face, the parts of my heart that so deeply longed for this place are waking up.  It will take some time, but I think I can learn to love life here. 

God is good, isn't He?

I'll leave you with two things:

1) The lyrics to the Alexi Murdoch song "All My Days".  If you don't know this song, go download it right now.  Seriously - right now...this can wait.

Well I have been searching all of my days
All of my days
Many a road, you know
I’ve been walking on
All of my days
And I’ve been trying to find
What’s been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night

Well I have been quietly standing in the shade
All of my days
Watch the sky breaking on the promise that we made
All of this rain
And I’ve been trying to find
What’s been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night

Well many a night I found myself with no friends standing near
All of my days
I cried aloud
I shook my hands
What am I doing here
All of these days
For I look around me
And my eyes confound me
And it’s just too bright
As the days keep turning into night

Now I see clearly
It’s you I’m looking for 
All of my days
Soon I’ll smile
I know I’ll feel this loneliness no more
All of my days
For I look around me
And it seems He found me
And it’s coming into sight
As the days keep turning into night
As the days keep turning into night
And even breathing feels all right
Yes, even breathing feels all right
Now even breathing feels all right
It’s even breathing
Feels all right

2) a picture of me looking (mostly) happy in Colorado.  (Michele - recognize the scarf?  Also, I wore one of the sweaters I bought when we were at Old Navy together yesterday, so it's like we were hanging out.  It's my new favorite article of clothing.)

I pray that today you will be overwhelmed with the strength of the love of God....

(...and then even breathing will feel alright.)