humanity.

Coffee shops have become my lifeline in the past week. Coffee shops with free wireless internet, that is. The internet that I'm paying for in my apartment isn't working, so I drag my butt out of the house and go sit somewhere else and steal their internet. It's given me interesting perspective, though.

I've always come to coffee shops in order to study - as a reprieve from the monotony of my desk at home or the bright, lifeless lights of the library. Being here with no true intention, however, it is a nice change. To be able to read or blog or simply just sit and watch people...I'm quite thoroughly enjoying it.

I'm currently tucked back into a corner, sitting in the table that is basically an afterthought. It's as though the owners saw a spot that might possibly be able to hold a table and decided to put one there, even though it's actually in the hallway, right next to the kitchen, constantly being bumped into by passing trashcans and busy workers carrying boxes of supplies. It's a wonderful spot to sit and watch. There are the diligent students - laptops out, headphones on, books spread out everywhere, desperate for a few hours of productivity that seem so hard to come by. Then there are the struggling artists or authors, enjoying their coffee, sketching, writing, basically fully embracing the stereotype that has been built surrounding them. There are the busy people - only stopping in to grab a drink in the chaos of their daily lives. And there are those like me - simply here to relax. They read their papers, sip their drinks, have meaningful conversations with their friends, or just sit and watch.

There is so much that is so human in this one little room. Each person here has a story, a family, a background, a whole life that I know nothing about. Part of me desires to take of my headphones and go meet them, hear a little part of their story, make some sort of connection with those people with whom I have shared the same air for the past hour. But I know that I will stay here, tucked in my corner, observing. Because in observing, it's like I get to know them in a different way.

I know the woman in front of me, because I see the way she hunches over her computer and gets closer to it when it seems like she's concentrating. The man next to her runs his hand through his hair while he reads, and, when his phone rings, he holds it against his shoulder and attempts to read, even while he has a conversation. And it makes me wonder - what do people see when they observe me? Do they see someone with a sense of peace and joy surrounding her? Does she look happy, friendly? I hope she does...

And the most interesting thing to me is that, despite the vast differences of every single person in this room, we are all so very human. And here's the thing about humans: everyone needs compassion and love that never fails...everyone needs forgiveness, kindness of the Saviour, the Hope of the nations. The song those lyrics come from has become one of my favorites lately. God is so mighty to save...

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

My Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything i believe in
Now i surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

~Mighty to Save by Hillsong

home.

Well, here I am. Back at home. Well, one of my homes, anyway. It's strange to feel this mix of sorrow and joy when I arrive back here. Sorrow for what I have left behind, but joy for what is so very present in this place. The joy is quickly winning out, however, and I am so excited to be here. With each new person I see and familiar place I visit, I am reminded of how very much this place truly is home. I am so blessed.

The drive out here was long, but basically uneventful. The main attraction was my dad and myself having a punching war while I was driving. The phrase, "you can't touch the driver!!!!" was yelled many times, and I think some bruises may show up later. We stopped last night in Thousand Oaks and spent the night with my cousin, Len, and his wife, Aimee. They are just genuinely wonderful people, and time I get to spend with them is always a joy. It was a nice break from sitting in the car, and their "dog" Moxy (who I suspect is actually the bat from Anastasia come to life) always provides infinite entertainment.

Today we drove to Santa Barbara and got all moved in. Moving is always an adventure, but today's adventure wasn't too crazy. Tonight we had dinner with another of my cousins, Shane, and his wife, Anna. Again, wonderful time with family. My parents take off tomorrow, but for tonight it's just me and the parentals, hangin' in the apartment.

It's good to be home :).

courage.

There is so much to be afraid of in life. It would be easy to lock myself away in the name of self-preservation; to avoid the fear and darkness and sorrow of life. But with that fear and darkness and sorrow comes triumph and light and joy and absolute beauty. To lock myself away, to escape from the fear, would be to keep myself from the beauty of life.

Here's to no more hiding.

Here's to the brave, adventurous, humble, fully, bright and shiny woman I aspire to be. God grant me the strength and courage to become her...

change.

Two weeks. Two weeks from tomorrow I head out once again, into the rest of my life (if I'm feeling dramatic) or into the start of my last school year (if I'm feeling realistic). Either way, it's two weeks until yet another time of change. I'm really excited, but as always, there is a part of me that dreads saying goodbye. This is home. And saying goodbye to home is never an easy thing. It's tempting to spend the next two weeks wallowing in the impending uncertainty, being sad about going away. Instead, I'm choosing joy. I'm going to enjoy my remaining 15 days fully, and then I am going to embark upon this new adventure with arms open wide, ready for whatever will be thrown my way.

This is a day never to be lived again. I'm going to live every second of it.

diane.

I just dropped off Diane at the airport and on the way home I realized that I only took one picture while she was here. Oh well, I guess it will serve as proof that she really was here, even if it wasn't for nearly long enough.

Yesterday was a fantastic day. We started out with great breakfast in downtown Littleton, walked around looking at all the cute antique stores, and then headed to Red Rocks. It's always fun for me to see Red Rocks through someone else's eyes. I get so used to it that I forget how cool it really is. It was stinkin' hot, but there was a nice cool breeze, so we survived. We then went to the pool and basked in the sun for a few hours, before we went downtown. After an amazingly good dinner at the Cheesecake Factory (always a favorite) we wandered around downtown Denver until we found my new favorite bar, a little place called alto. There we not only enjoyed a great martini, but the company of the bartender, Johnny. Johnny is a semi-finalist in the bartending world cup. I mean, I didn't even know that was a real thing, but last night I was lucky enough to meet the self-proclaimed favorite in the competition. If he wins he gets to be in GQ. Yeah...he's kind of a big deal. But the combination of live jazz music, lovely black and lime pillows and white flowers, and the company of Johnny was enough to endear alto to me as a new favorite spot.

Even though Diane's visit was short, it was wonderful. This is the last time I will see Diane for a long time - she's getting ready to move to Seattle in a couple of weeks. I'm sure our paths will cross again someday soon - it has a funny way of working out like that for forever friends - but this weekend was our last planned get together for anytime soon. She has been a blessing through and through, and every moment I spend with her is just purely happy. What a great friend!

awhoohoo.

I'm leaving in about 8 minutes to go pick up my dear friend Diane from the airport :). She's coming to visit me and I couldn't be more thrilled!

Today was a great day. The kids were well behaved, the time passed quickly, and I actually had fun all day today! And to top it off, my boss paid me an incredible compliment. Perhaps she could tell that I was disappointed in myself and struggling a bit this week. Whatever her motivation, her kind words came at exactly the right moment.

And now it's the weekend!

awhoohoo.

job.

I am good at my job.

I know I am good at it. And there are moments of uncertainty, fleeting thoughts of "I should have handled that differently" or "I could have done a better job on that project," but for the majority of the day, I am confident in my ability to do well at my job.

Except for yesterday. Yesterday was a bad day. It felt like every decision I made was the wrong one. I was off my game, and I knew it. And it was the most frustrating thing I could imagine.

So here's to hoping that today I rock it.