reflections on one year.

I meant to sit down (probably wearing sweats and drinking tea) and reflect. I meant to take time to really think about it. I meant to dwell on it a bit. I meant to make something significant of the fact that I moved one year ago.

But then...life got in the way.

And I guess, in a way, that's the most poignant reflection of all. I have a life to get in the way of sitting and reflecting on the many ways things have changed during the past year. I no longer spend my time counting the days. I no longer spend my weekends wishing I was in Santa Barbara. I no longer wonder if I made the right decision in moving back to the home front. I'm here and life is here and I am happily living the day to day.

Yes...it has been a year. And when I think back, I remember that a year ago right now I was probably laying in the fetal position on my parents' guest bed crying myself to sleep. I remember how miserable I was...that I couldn't shake off the cover of melancholy and that simply getting up and out of bed was a chore. But more than that, I remember the way that the sun sprinkling through the autumn leaves awoke a little piece of my heart. And I remember the way that I quickly grew used to seeing my best friend every couple of weeks and how wonderful it felt to be able to share my daily life with my parents again instead of simply sharing it all via bi-weekly phone calls. And I remember the first time I stood outside in the silence of the falling snow and reminded myself just how much I love winter. And then, slowly but surely, my heart was whole again and I was happy again and my life was mine again and I was a stronger and more confident and more complete person. And I remember how I woke up one morning with the sun shining in my window and snow sparkling on the ground and I realized that I was happy.

So there it is - my reflections on one year. And while I sit here listening to Alexi Murdoch, just as I did almost exactly one year ago, I can truly say that even breathing feels alright.