identity.

I feel an identity crisis coming on.

I’m sitting in the library – a place that has become a consistant companion this semester. Studying at home is too difficult – there are fun things and couches and beds and lots of food there. The library is ugly, and has weird tempature spots, which makes me want to get out as soon as possible and therefore is the perfect spot for inspiring production. Anyway, I’m sitting in the library about to finish my last paper of college. And I can’t bring myself to write the last paragraph. Not because I don’t want to be done, because I DO. But because once I finish this paper, I’m finally going to realize that I’m done with college in 2 weeks. 

My whole life I have been a student. School is what I do. I study, I go to class, and then I study some more. The past 21 years have been spent in the same way. Obviously there have been some big differences between say, 2nd grade and senior year of college, but for the most part, 21 years centered in the same basic principle – learn stuff. And now, well, that’s about to be done. No more tests, no more papers, no more studying until I’m so tired that I can’t keep my eyes open anymore. So who am I once that is done?

In August, I wouldn’t have been able to answer that question.

But now, I think I know. I’m more than school, more than my grades, more than even my friends and family and people I love. I am me. And right now, me has no idea what comes next. I am actually surprised that I’m not freaked out by that. But I think that maybe the last three weeks came at the best time possible in my life (if there is such a thing as a good time for a devastating fire…).  I suppose you could say that I've had a bit of perspective shift.  Maybe I don't know what's coming next, but I know that it's going to be amazing, whatever it is.

Hmm...that was nice...

Crisis averted.