goodbye, March.

So...I kind of abandoned the whole "blog challenge" thing there at the end. In the interest of full disclosure, I have to tell you that I kind of intended to all along. I knew that there was no way I was actually going to write every day while I was in Santa Barbara, and since I failed to start the challenge more than 30 days before I left....well, we'll just call it a 26 day challenge instead.

My time in Santa Barbara was basically perfection. Perfect weather, wonderful friends, and a fleeting escape from the somewhat scary reality of life right now. (I did my taxes before I left...my annual income was pitiful. And now I have no job. Good.) Anyways...I feel just beyond blessed to have two homes that I love so much and such incredible people in my life.

So...now it's back to the grind. Work all day, search for new jobs all evening. But I am very confident in the Lord. I am certain that the plan He has for me is what's best for me. It's been a long and winding road to get to where I am, and I really wouldn't change a step of it (except for maybe my three week stint at Dazbog...not really sure what the point of that was...). I am sure that the road I'm on, though it will continue to wind, will lead me to exactly the right place.

day twenty-six: vacation!

I'm sitting in my friend Juliann's gorgeous kitchen, looking out the window at the sea and the grey sky and the channel islands in the distance. It's wet and chilly in Santa Barbara, but my heart is warm.

The next five days are full of plans (mostly revolving around food) and friends and hopefully rest. And while in the back of my mind there is a chorus of "what next? where next? no job no job no job"....I am calm and grateful and happy.

So now I am off to enjoy the rest of this vacation. Hopefully Santa Barbara will feel compelled to throw a little sunshine my way, but if not, I'll still be satisfied. Because I have been blessed without measure.

Sometimes, life is so wonderful.

(I'll be back to finish my blog challenge and delight you with stories of my Santa Barbaran adventures in a few days...never fear.)

day 25 - sometimes life sucks.

i haven't felt like writing.

i think it's legitimate.

big life changes (like getting laid off) tend to send me reeling.

but i will survive to write again.

(for the record, i do have a job for the rest of the school year. but after that, thanks to budget cuts, it's back to the drawing board. i'm really sick of job hunting.)

Day twenty-four: a letter to the best people in the world.

Dear Parents,

Thank you. Thanks for creating me and for raising me and for putting up with my snotty teenage years and for supporting my decision to go to college out of state and for letting me move back into your house after graduation from said college and for becoming my best friends.

I know of so many people who have simply mediocre relationships with their parents. They don't have people supporting them every step of the way like I do. They don't have people gently pushing them to be the best possible version of themselves like I do. They don't have people who they genuinely enjoy spending their time with like I do.

The best compliments I have ever received are when people tell me that I remind them of you guys. What an incredible honor! Because you are the two most amazing people I know. I look up to you in every way, and you are everything that I strive to be. You know that one episode of Friends when Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail? And she screams at him and then realizes she's her father? She says, "Oh my God! I did not see this coming! I've been spending so much time trying not to be my mother." It's a funny moment and all, but I am beyond thankful that I have never felt that way. No...I'd be saying, "Oh my God! Thank you for letting me become my mother and my father!" Because you guys are everything that is good about me.

I can't even begin to count the things that you've taught me. It would take more time than I have, that's for sure. And I definitely couldn't count the many things that I've learned just by watching you navigate your own lives - how to be a person of honesty and integrity, how to approach everything in my life with 100% of my effort and dedication, how to love other people, and how to live as a Godly woman, to name just a few. You are pillars of consistency in my life, and if I end up being even half as wonderful of a parent as you have been to me, my kids will be the luckiest in the world.

I love you guys so much, and I am so grateful for every single moment that I get to spend with you. Thank you for being, quite literally, the best parents in the world.

With all my love...

Your daughter,

Kelsey Quinlan

Day twenty-three: celebrations.

Day 23 - Something you crave a lot:

If we're talking food? Cheese. And tortilla chips. And occasionally Swedish Fish.

If we're talking life? Companionship. Sunshine. Time to sit and read. Laughter. Feeling the blessed assurance that Jesus is mine.

I think that about covers it. When you get to the bottom of it, life is pretty simple, isn't it?

Tomorrow is another Monday - the beginning of another week. But this week is the last week until spring break, which is exciting on a multitude of levels, not the least of which is my desperate need for a break. Today was my basketball banquet - yet another reminder of how blessed I have been. What a great opportunity to celebrate these wonderful young women - the unique and beautiful creations that they are. We laughed, some of us (me) cried, and we rejoiced in the bright future these girls have before them. I find myself, once again, thanking God for them.

And now? Now is off to read and then to sleep and to live another day in this lovely life that I've been gifted.

Sleep well, my friends.

days twenty and twenty-two: some thoughts.

I've gone on and on about practicing discipline and here I am - at my first real slip up in this blog challenge. I wish I had a good excuse for not writing on days 20 and 22, but the reality is that I just didn't write.

Instead of writing about the prompts for those days (one of which asks about relationships, which is a road I just don't even want to go down right now), I have some thoughts.

I've had a lot on my mind lately. There are times in my life when I feel so aware of all the heartache and sorrow and imperfection in the world, and this is one of those times. My heart breaks for the people of Japan every day when I read the news and it's just one tragedy after another for them. And we can't forget about New Zealand and the horrible earthquake in Christchurch last month. And then there's the unrest in Libya. And there's just so much wrong in the world. It makes my very small life feel just that...very small.

But here's the thing - my small life...it's still mine. And as I sit here on my couch at 7:00 on a Sunday morning, wrapped in my big quilt, listening to this and watching the sunrise light paint the mountains through my window, I'm thankful for this life. (Confession...that wasn't what I originally intended to write...but it's true. I have problems and worries and concerns, but I'm thankful just the same.)

I read this in my devotional the other day, and it has been constantly with me since then: "I refuse to worry, but instead choose to rest in the finished work of Christ." It occured to me that I can refuse to worry. I don't have to give in to that feeling of near panic and anxiety about my future. When worries come into my mind, I can say, "No! I refuse to acknowledge you. I'm choosing to rest in the fact that Christ already has my plan figured out. I refuse to worry." What freedom! What a cause for celebration!

The prompt for day twenty-two asks, "what makes you different from everyone else?" And here's the thing - I'm not different from everyone else, really. I'm just another person. But what makes me unique (what makes us all unique) is the Father who knows our names, knows our hearts, and knows every single hair on our head. That's better to me than any other distinguishing feature. What makes me different from everyone else? I'm different because my Savior created me (and loves me) that way.

day twenty-one.

Day 21 - a picture of something that makes you happy:

I'm tired. Dealing with high schoolers is hard work sometimes.

Promise for a better one tomorrow.

day nineteen - some nicknames.

Day 19 - any nicknames you have and why you have them:

I have a few nicknames, most of them relating somehow to my last name, but not many of them are used very often. Here they are, though:

- Kels - for obvious reasons. Also, due to a permanent 2-year retainer, I have a tiny bit of a lisp and "Kelsey" is kind of hard for me to say.
- K - again, for obvious reasons. This one is used by Emily, and Emily alone.
- Meggie - a variation of my middle name - used only by my uncle Doug (or Douggie, to me).
- Q-dawg - a basketball team nickname
- Mini-Q - a coaching nickname, derived from the fact that my dad is "Q"
- Quinnie - I'm not really sure why.
- K-Quizzy - (pronounced K-Queasy) - because one time in college I dressed up like a thug.
- Coachy - because 14 year old girls like to call their coach something cutesy
- Giant Gorilla - because I work at a daycare and kids are weird
- Sassy Pants - see above
- Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman - because people think they're clever
- Ms. Qdoba ('doba for short) - because I work at a high school and teenagers are weird

I think that's all.

In other news, the sun is shining and it's warm and it's almost spring break and I'm having a great hair day :)

day eighteen - dreams

Day 18 - some plans/dreams/goals that you have:

Well isn't this just the loaded prompt? I have to start with a confession: I always feel really lame when people start the "what is your dream?" conversation, because I feel like I don't really have one. (I know that's lame and probably untrue, but bear with me.) I have dreams of being happy and successful, of getting married and having kids someday, and of someday living in a house instead of an apartment. I have dreams of traveling with my family and growing old with someone and spending a happy retirement occupied with some sort of all-consuming hobby (like scrapbooking or water aerobics or something). But those aren't the kind of dreams being asked about in those conversations. I don't dream of being a doctor or inventing something or running a marathon or going to grad school. My dreams are smaller than that. And for a long time I thought that the small scale of my dreams meant that they were insignificant. I often wondered if there was something wrong with my makeup, that all I longed for was a happy family and not a high-powered career with a completely disposable income attached to it. But that's not true. My dreams are significant. My dreams reflect my heart.

And I believe that my dreams will come true someday.

(Also, how good was Glee tonight!?)

day 17 (plus some random thoughts)

Day 17 - someone you would like to trade lives with for a day.

So...I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about this. (More than I should have, maybe...) and I came up with this - I wouldn't want to trade lives with anyone. There are parts of other people's lives that I occasionally envy (financial security, job security, fantastic relationships, etc.) but for the most part, I am perfectly content with just being...me.

In other news, The Bachelor finale (the most dramatic one ever!) was on last night, and while it is still ridiculously contrived fake tv, there was quite a bit more real life substance to it then I've ever seen before. Some real conversations about real issues, not just "this is such a fairytale, I'm so in love and will be forever" and eye twinkling. I appreciated the little dose of actual reality in reality tv, and wish that the producers of the show would realize that these moments of substance are what most veiwers would actually like to see. However, I know I'm bound to be disappointed when I inevitably start watching next season, despite my best intentions not to.

Unrelated: there needs to be a universal symbol for sarcasm that can be used on facebook, twitter, text messages, etc. Because I far too often get myself in trouble because tone of voice and facial expressions get lost in online translation. I'm going to think of something and try to get it to catch on. It will be so fetch. Who's with me?!?

day sixteen - my short lived modeling career.

Day 16 - some more pictures of yourself:

My friend Jeff Shipley took these photos of me a couple of years ago...and that was the extent of my lucrative modeling career haha. But seriously...he's really talented. Go check him out.

In other (much more serious) news, things in the world are a mess lately, aren't they? My heart just breaks for the people of Japan - what a tragedy. My prayers go out to them, and I just ask for God to be present there. It's hard to imagine any good coming of a tragedy of this magnitude, but with Him, all things are possible.

day fifteen - music!!

Day 15 - put your ipod on shuffle and write down the first 10 songs that play:

1) "Since U Been Gone" - Kelly Clarkson

2) "Over My Head" - The Fray

3) "Find My Way Back Home" - Priscilla Ahn

4) "The Beautiful Letdown" - Switchfoot

5) "Pathetique Movement" - Beethoven

6) "Cowboy In Me" - Tim McGraw

7) "She's Always a Woman" - Billy Joel

8) "Free Fallin' (Live)" - John Mayer

9) "Love Song for a Savior" - Jars of Clay

10) "Soul Meets Body" - Death Cab for Cutie

Happy Saturday!

day fourteen

Day 14 - a picture of you and your family:

I have been infinitely blessed with my family. I could go on and on and on about how much I love them and how wonderful I think they are, but I won't. All I will say is this: everything that is good in my life is tied to them. They are amazing.

(What a devastating and tragic event occured today. May God bless all those in need tonight.)

day thirteen - a letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Dear Public Education Funding and US Economy,

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I hate you guys. I hate living every day embroiled in the uncertainty of whether or not my job will still be around next year. And, I hate the fact that I have a college degree from a fairly prestigious school, but the only jobs available to me are crappy hours, crappy pay, and almost certainly about to be dissolved completely.

Look, I know you probably didn't mean to hurt me. But the thing is, you have. And as much as I wish I was the kind of carefree person who could take all of this uncertainty in stride, I'm really not. Therefore, you are causing my stress level to be infinitely higher than it should be for any normal, single 24 year old.

However, if you start to improve your situation, I don't see why we can't work this out. All I ask is that you guarantee me a job for the next year or two, and start creating an economy that will allow me a prosperous and secure future. I really don't think it's too much to ask, but if you can't meet these requirements, well, there's not really anything I can do about it. But I will be angry, so there's that.

I am quite hopeful that we will be able to work this out...

Your completely powerless friend,

Kelsey M. Quinlan

day twelve.

Day 12 - how you heard about blogs and why you started one:

Well, I'm fairly certain that I had a blog sometime in my angsty teenage years (although, to be fair, I was a pretty angst-free teen), but I abandoned it long before college. I decided to start blogging again when I spent a semester in Europe, as a way to keep my family and friends updated on my European adventures. After I got back, I kept up with it, because (to keep it simple) I like writing. I like to journal, but it's so much easier to type out everything than to write it by hand. Plus, I enjoy the feedback of my (few) friends and family who read.

So...there it is - the story of my blogging life :).

In other news, I had yogurtland today and it was so. dang. good.

day eleven - my pretty friends!

Day 11 - another picture of you and your friends:

Well, since I (1) have some more time on my hands today and (2) neglected my blog yesterday, I think I'll put some effort into this one and post lots of pictures:

My goodness...my friends are so pretty. I've been so blessed.

day ten - some music.

Day 10 - songs you listen to when you are:

- happy: "You Make My Dreams" by Hall & Oates. Probably because now every time I hear it, I see this.

- sad: "Jesus, King of Angels" by Fernando Ortega, because no other song makes my heart feel so calm and rested in the love of Christ.

- bored (or all the freaking time, actually): "Comes and Goes (In Waves)" by Greg Laswell. I. Love. It. So. Much.

- mad: "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele. So much emotion and so great to sing. Loudly.

On another note...I'm disappointed in myself for not posting this yesterday, but we had some friends over last night and by the time I remembered to do this, I was already in bed. And, as Meg says, the price I pay for having the bigger closet is that I don't usually get internet in my room. So...I weighed my options (getting out of bed vs. staying in it) and staying in won. Easily.

it is well with my soul. (day nine)

Day 9 - something that inspires you:

this song:

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well, with my soul.
   • It is well, with my soul,
     It is well, it is well, with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
6. And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

day eight - some goals.

Day 8 - short term goals for this month:

- consistency (I've rambled about it enough this past week...I don't need to do so anymore)

- lose a few pounds (swimsuit season is quickly approaching)

- finish reading all six of Ms. Jane Austen's novels (I've got two to go)

- file my taxes

- clean out my closet and donate some clothes to Good Will

- keep up with Karissa's blog (because she's funny and awesome, and because her super healthy lifestyle inspires me!)

and a picture, just for fun (snow makes everything beautiful):

day seven

Day 7 - something that has had an impact on you:

What to write about? I think that it's part of what makes the human experience so incredible - our whole lives are an accumulation of things and people that have impacted us. I could write about my best friend Rachelle, who has been the most consistent friend imaginable. Or I could write about a tragedy that both devastated and united a community and taught my 12 year old heart the true meaning of life and loss. I could write about my high school youth group that gave me a safe place to start understanding my faith. I could write about my college friends who showed me how friends can be like family - learning and loving and encountering life together. I could write about one friend in particular who forced me to believe in my own strength, beauty and worth. Or I could write about my college, where I was given the tools to become the person I am today. I could write about a fire. About a ceremony. About a move. About a job (or two. or three.) Or I could write about discovering a passion for coaching basketball and the immense joy that discovery has provided. But I think that I will write about my family. Because while all of these things have had unknowable impacts on my life, nothing has impacted me quite like my incredible, accomplished, loving, driving, perfect-in-their-imperfection family. I have been blessed with the consistent presence of the most amazing people I know. I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again: they gave me my life, but the have also given me life.

(And the greatest impact of all is this: that God so loved the world (so loved me) that He gave His one and only Son...)

Amen.

day six - Superman.

Day 6: your favorite superhero:

No question - Superman. Need I say more? He is a super man.

(Plus...you gotta love the forehead curl.)

day five - Interlaken, Switzerland.

Day 5 - a picture of a place you've been:

I have been blessed in my (relatively short) life with the opportunity to travel to many wonderful places. As an only child of two parents working in the school system (syncronized vacation schedules!!) I went on a lot of family vacations as a kid, and as a college student I was given the opportunity to participate in a study abroad program that found me literally traversing across Europe for four months. On top of that, I've lived in two of the most incredibly beautiful places on Earth - Santa Barbara, CA and Denver, CO. I've been a lot of places.

However, the one place that stands out to me more than any of the others is Interlaken, Switzerland. I can't exactly pinpoint why I love it there SO much, but I suspect it has a lot to do with the natural beauty of the place. I have never been so in awe of God's creation as when I was in Interlaken - the turquoise blue of the water, the majesty of the mountains, the wildflower covered hills - incredible. It's also one of the friendliest, most laid-back, vistor-friendly places I've ever visited. The food is good, the exchange rate is nearly 1-1, which is rare these days!, and it's so tiny that it's incredibly easy to get around.

>But I think what it really comes down to is this: the two times I've found myself in that idyllic mountain town, I've felt so close to God. I just remember this feeling of peace and joy enveloping me as I wandered through the mountains and sat beside the glistening blue creek with a good book. Really...it's just a fantastic place.

day four!!! (and a little more of three...)

Day 4 - a habit that you wish you didn't have:

I think that the habit I am currently trying pretty hard to break is the source of this blog challenge: my occasional lack of discipline. As an aside, I have to say that I am very disciplined in the things that really matter. It's the little things that trip me up - consistently working out, journaling every day, taking my vitamins, not turning the tv on until the evening, not eating half of a box of cheese-its in one sitting, etc. I will get on a kick of doing something, and I'll be really good for the first few days, but once it gets a little bit difficult or requires more effort than I'm willing to put forth, I'm out. I'm not proud of it, but there it is. And I am trying to change it.

And now, because this is a kind of boring post, another awesome picture of my friends and me:

(PS - all photo cred. for this one and the last one goes to the lovely and extremely talented Jessica Fairchild Conrad.)