morning.

I woke up this morning to a clear blue sky and sunlight pouring through the window.  While my heart is still very tender, it was a pleasant reminder that I do, in fact, like this place that I have decided to make my home.

I'm getting ready to go to my first day of work.  I'm nervous beyond belief, but I'm excited to have something to do today besides sit and unpack and think about what I've left behind.

I'm sure I'll be back tonight to tell you tales of the first day adventure and further lament my loneliness...

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken...Trust in him at all times, O people; pour our your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." - Psalm 62:1-2 & 8

(prayers are still very much appreciated.)

sad.

I could easily lie right now.  I could say that everything is great...that I'm totally at peace and happy with my decision to move to Colorado.  I could say that I'm not doubting why I'm here...that I'm not having maybe the biggest freak out of my life.  I could say that I'm happy.

But I'm all about the honesty lately, especially right here (this is my blog - I can say whatever I want.)  And what I want to say is that right now is not good.  I'm not good.

Until the moment I walked into the front door of my (parents') house this evening, it wasn't real.  And now it is so real: Guess what, Kels?  You're not going back to California in a couple of days or weeks or months.  You're here now.  And here to stay, at least for a year.

And I know it's right and that (eventually) it's going to be amazing.  But right now is just really, really sad.  

(but thank you, Jesus, that you are sitting here beside me on this bed as my mind reels...

...and the tears fall.)

prayers.

I'm stuck in between my past ocean dreams and my future mountain life.

I would prefer either over this middle ground.

If you're feeling in the praying way, I would appreciate some prayers for peace.

My heart is feeling sad.

leaving.

Leaving is hard.  Especially when you have wonderful friends who love you so well...

...and you are leaving them behind.

It's easy to question your decisions, to rethink your convictions, to doubt the direction in which you are moving.  I thank God that, despite a little anxiety and a lot of loneliness, I am not questioning, not rethinking, not doubting.

I'm trusting.

This has been a most difficult and wonderful week.  But I've gotten to spend much of it with some of the people I love most in the world.  Also, they're all just beautiful.  Look:

I am blessed beyond belief.

And now I venture on, full of love and hope.

May God bless you all, my friends.

blessings.

Today I walked on the beach and talked about life with my dear friend Eric. 

I ate frozen yogurt and played on a rope swing with my new friend Renee.

I drank coffee and giggled with my soul sisters Allyson and Michele.

And now I have a whole apartment full of wonderful women cooking me dinner in the next room.

My heart feels full.  I am so blessed.

goodbye.

i really wish that going there didn't mean that i have to leave here.

i hate saying goodbye.

parentals.

joy.

They gave me life...and then they gave me life.

Words do not exist to explain how much I love them.

(I'm the luckiest kid in the whole world).