Allyson.

There are people in your life who just really...matter. You know what I mean? Those people that are shaping the person you are becoming, that change the course of your life simply by their very existence. And it's not to say that everyone doesn't matter, because everyone does. But in my life, not everyone matters.

But I have been blessed with a number of those special people. Some old friends, some new. Maybe I'll tell you about some of them sometime. But today I am going to tell you about the newest special person in my life. Her name is Allyson Arendsee. She promised to blog about me and then didn't, but I'm going to blog about her right now.


This is me and Allyson at the Robot Food dance at school. Probably not the most flattering picture, but I think it captures us pretty well. She's pretty.

Allyson is an amazing woman. She's smart and funny and pretty and wonderful. She is beautiful, inside and out (could I be any more cliche?!?) But her humor and intelligence and beauty are not the things that I love most about her. What I love most about Allyson is that she is so uniquely...her. She is sarcastic and silly and spastic and sincere all at the same time, and she is real. She listens when I talk to her. She tells me how her day really was, not that it was "good" or "fine" or "okay". She has a loud laugh that comes from the deep down source of joy within her, and when she thinks something is funny, there is no question. She loves sweaters. She has the most beautiful voice, but she isn't afraid to sing like a complete dork to Cher in the backseat on the way back from LA. She isn't concerned with hiding herself in order to please those around her, but rather puts herself out in the open from the beginning. She has brightened my life in a way that few before her have, and few after her will. She understands me in an almost creepy kind of way. She makes me smile and she's willing to cry with me, and I feel like she is a soul sister sent to me at the most essential moment.

Allyson Arendsee is the kind of woman that men dream of, mothers-in-law adore, parents boast about, and friends can only wish to have.

She is an absolute blessing.

beach.

awesome, epic beach day today.

volleyball, blenders, sun, sand, salt water, amazing friends....this is why i love santa barbara.

good day.

apartment.

I'm currently sitting at my "dining room" table. (I use the label "dining room" loosely, considering that the dining room, living room, family room, office, and unofficial storage space are all really one relatively small room in our little apartment.) However, in theory at least, this is our dining room, and the table is in it, so I suppose that makes it the dining room table.

As I'm sitting here staring at the candle I lit to keep me company in my reading, I realize that this is home. I don't love it right now...there are still things that need to be unpacked. We need another couch. We only have two chairs at our table right now because Emily and I have each stolen one to serve as our desk chairs. One of our lamps doesn't have a lightbulb. We haven't perfected our kitchen cleaning/sharing strategy and we haven't developed a foolproof method of chore-splitting and bill-paying. But I'd better get used to it. Because this is home, whether I like it or not. I just crossed the barrier between "extended vacation" and "place where I'm living for the next 8ish months" and I'm kind of freaking out.

Don't get me wrong - my roommates are amazing. And my apartment is great, especially for the amount I am paying for it. I guess that I'm just starting to realize how very real my future is, and how quickly my future is becoming my present.

However, there is no avoiding it. So first things first, I suppose. I will go in the kitchen, put away the leftover pizza, take out the trash again for what seems like the 7th time today, and continue to settle in. Because this...well, for now, it is home.

craziness.

It's been quite a while since I've last written. I guess I could say that life has gotten in the way. School, friends, the craziness that was Orientation....life. It all got busy and I've found myself back in the old pattern of falling into bed absolutely exhausted at the end of the day, never taking a spare minute to sit and think, let alone write, because every minute "wasted" writing is a minute that isn't spent sleeping.

But that's changing now.

I'm going to figure out a way to get my priorities straight.

Orientation was absolutely, insanely, wonderfully amazing. It was so busy and so exhausting, but totally worth it. It was great being involved in something that really mattered. And I learned a lot about servant leadership through my role on the Orientation Team - turns out that about 90% of our work wasn't recognized or appreciated. But that was okay. Because it wasn't about us, and we managed to pull off an incredibly successful orientation that hopefully gave the incoming students a feeling of confidence and acceptance before starting their first year. Plus, our team was AMAZING. I miss them already - 18 hours of working together every day to never seeing someone is hard! Actually, we are having a little reunion get together this evening, and it's pretty much been the only thing I've been looking forward to all week.

Classes are already incredibly hard, but I love them. I can't believe that these are my very last classes of college! Where did the time go?! I'm glad that I'm ending my college career this way, though, with difficult classes that I love. It just doesn't seem like it would be right any other way.

I also have a very part time job babysitting this semester. I pick the kid up from school every Tuesday and Thursday and hang out with him until his parents get home from work. I wasn't planning on having a job this semester, but they were desperate for a babysitter, and it's a good number of hours for me, so it'll work out well. So far it's been a lot of fun.

Add to this the whole trying to have friends thing and maintaining some semblence of a social life, and I'm already exhausted.

I could use a break, and I'm only 4 days into the semester.

However, life is good. God is good, and my heart feels full, and life goes on, whether or not I worry about it.

So, my resolution is this: time for ME. Not for homework or friends or working or busy-ness. No....time for me and God to sit in silence and be friends.

Yes....it already sounds amazing.

humanity.

Coffee shops have become my lifeline in the past week. Coffee shops with free wireless internet, that is. The internet that I'm paying for in my apartment isn't working, so I drag my butt out of the house and go sit somewhere else and steal their internet. It's given me interesting perspective, though.

I've always come to coffee shops in order to study - as a reprieve from the monotony of my desk at home or the bright, lifeless lights of the library. Being here with no true intention, however, it is a nice change. To be able to read or blog or simply just sit and watch people...I'm quite thoroughly enjoying it.

I'm currently tucked back into a corner, sitting in the table that is basically an afterthought. It's as though the owners saw a spot that might possibly be able to hold a table and decided to put one there, even though it's actually in the hallway, right next to the kitchen, constantly being bumped into by passing trashcans and busy workers carrying boxes of supplies. It's a wonderful spot to sit and watch. There are the diligent students - laptops out, headphones on, books spread out everywhere, desperate for a few hours of productivity that seem so hard to come by. Then there are the struggling artists or authors, enjoying their coffee, sketching, writing, basically fully embracing the stereotype that has been built surrounding them. There are the busy people - only stopping in to grab a drink in the chaos of their daily lives. And there are those like me - simply here to relax. They read their papers, sip their drinks, have meaningful conversations with their friends, or just sit and watch.

There is so much that is so human in this one little room. Each person here has a story, a family, a background, a whole life that I know nothing about. Part of me desires to take of my headphones and go meet them, hear a little part of their story, make some sort of connection with those people with whom I have shared the same air for the past hour. But I know that I will stay here, tucked in my corner, observing. Because in observing, it's like I get to know them in a different way.

I know the woman in front of me, because I see the way she hunches over her computer and gets closer to it when it seems like she's concentrating. The man next to her runs his hand through his hair while he reads, and, when his phone rings, he holds it against his shoulder and attempts to read, even while he has a conversation. And it makes me wonder - what do people see when they observe me? Do they see someone with a sense of peace and joy surrounding her? Does she look happy, friendly? I hope she does...

And the most interesting thing to me is that, despite the vast differences of every single person in this room, we are all so very human. And here's the thing about humans: everyone needs compassion and love that never fails...everyone needs forgiveness, kindness of the Saviour, the Hope of the nations. The song those lyrics come from has become one of my favorites lately. God is so mighty to save...

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

My Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything i believe in
Now i surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

~Mighty to Save by Hillsong

home.

Well, here I am. Back at home. Well, one of my homes, anyway. It's strange to feel this mix of sorrow and joy when I arrive back here. Sorrow for what I have left behind, but joy for what is so very present in this place. The joy is quickly winning out, however, and I am so excited to be here. With each new person I see and familiar place I visit, I am reminded of how very much this place truly is home. I am so blessed.

The drive out here was long, but basically uneventful. The main attraction was my dad and myself having a punching war while I was driving. The phrase, "you can't touch the driver!!!!" was yelled many times, and I think some bruises may show up later. We stopped last night in Thousand Oaks and spent the night with my cousin, Len, and his wife, Aimee. They are just genuinely wonderful people, and time I get to spend with them is always a joy. It was a nice break from sitting in the car, and their "dog" Moxy (who I suspect is actually the bat from Anastasia come to life) always provides infinite entertainment.

Today we drove to Santa Barbara and got all moved in. Moving is always an adventure, but today's adventure wasn't too crazy. Tonight we had dinner with another of my cousins, Shane, and his wife, Anna. Again, wonderful time with family. My parents take off tomorrow, but for tonight it's just me and the parentals, hangin' in the apartment.

It's good to be home :).

courage.

There is so much to be afraid of in life. It would be easy to lock myself away in the name of self-preservation; to avoid the fear and darkness and sorrow of life. But with that fear and darkness and sorrow comes triumph and light and joy and absolute beauty. To lock myself away, to escape from the fear, would be to keep myself from the beauty of life.

Here's to no more hiding.

Here's to the brave, adventurous, humble, fully, bright and shiny woman I aspire to be. God grant me the strength and courage to become her...