On friendship (and weddings).

sophomore year formal...#typical

In my far-gone college days, I found these three women. There names are Juliann, Emily, and Vanassa. We all found each other in very different ways, on different timelines and as different people, but find each other we did.

Juliann.

Emily.

Vanassa.

Somewhere along the line there was an inside joke and someone made up the word "boodle" and that transitioned into a nickname and now here we are, 7 years later, and we're still the Boodles. These three women have blessed my life in ways I could never put to words. I have been blessed beyond measure by their friendship.

The Boodles.  So much love!

In the past five weeks, two of the boodles have gotten married! On June 9, Emily got married in San Antonio in an incredibly beautiful and joyful ceremony.

 

 

Such a beautiful bride!!

And then, this past weekend Juliann got married in Santa Barbara in another incredibly beautiful and joyful ceremony.

Another beautiful bride!

I can't give words to how grateful and honored I feel to have been a part of these two celebrations. They were vastly different but there was one fundamental similarity - they were ceremonies of praise and promise...praise to the Father who brought these couples together and ordained the institution of marriage in the first place, and promise to love in a way that represents the father who first loved us and who does so perfectly.

 

Bridesmaids :)

It's kind of incredible how four girls who met at 18 can grow up into women, live in four different states, be in four different relationship stages, and have four completely separate lives and yet still be connected in the deepest of ways.  What a gift from our Father!

So blessed.

happy birthday, 'Merica!

I just spent 'Merica's birthday in the mountains with my family...I've been blessed beyond measure.

There's something about riding in the backseat of the car.  Dad driving, mom sleeping in the front seat, dog sleeping in the back and me watching the world go by outside the window....I feel safe.  I feel at home.  I feel like, just for a minute, everything is right in the world.

...I've been blessed beyond measure.

(thank God.)

goodness and freedom.

Oh my goodness.

It's been over a year.  Over a year since I've been here.

Who can say what it is that inspires a person to write?  It's something that gets into your soul.  There are words that rumble around in the depth of you, waiting to be set free.  Sometimes the words catch you by surprise - they set free a truth you didn't even know was buried inside you.  And then...there are times of silence.  There are times when the words abandon you and you learn to find those truths in other ways.  Lately has been a time of silence.

But (without any warning whatsoever) the words are back.

I feel them in my soul, in my heart, itching in the ends of my fingertips.  They beg me to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys) and set them free. There are stories to be told - stories of laughter inspired by the little smiles and inquisitive minds that make up my every day, stories of love and weddings (not my own, but beautiful nonetheless), stories of struggles and triumphs, stories of sorrow and hope.

But most of all, there is the story.  It's the story older than time itself, the one that is told and re-told in my own life daily.  It's the story of Love itself.  Love that overwhelms my soul.

And those stories will be told in good time.  But for today - this quiet, cloudy morning - this is all that needs to be said: God is good.  All the time, God is good.

(He is goodness itself and He has set me free.)

"Truth be known, you’re not alone

Your aching bones will find a home

In the place where God he sets us free"

                                             ~ "Good Friday" by Josh Garrels

favorites and unfavorites on a sunny monday afternoon.

These have been some of my favorite things lately:

- This show-stopping performance by my girl Carrie:

- Eric. He left yesterday to move to Sierra Leone to work for a company called Kiva. It's a really intense job in a really intense place and I am SO PROUD of him. I feel just like a proud little mama :).

(back when I had lots of hair. Eric looks dashing as always.)

- summer sunshine

- That Magnum Bars have made their way to the US. Glorious.

- Gilmore Girls. I just restarted the series (for about the 7th time) and I love it even more every time.

- Summer basketball.

- Flowers and leaves on the trees.

- That this show (and my girl Cat) is coming back SO SOON!

- This song by one of my childhood favorites, Amy Grant, and it's message of God deserving and loving our praise in all of it's forms.

Annnnddd....some of my least favorite things lately:

- Wind. I love gentle wind and soft breezes, but I am not a fan of the gusty, gale-force wind that has been keeping me up at night and making it impossible to spend any extended amount of time outside.

- Having to wait to read Bossypants by Tina Fey. I don't want to shell out the big bucks to buy it, so I put a hold on it at the library, but I am about the 25th person on the list, and at two weeks per person, that could turn into a really long wait.

- Wasps that think in between the screendoor and the main door is a cool place to hang out.

- My own inability to shut up. Seriously. I know I talk a lot, and I try to stop talking so much, and it just never seems to happen. I hate it.

Overall, the favorites are winning. Life is good.

a beautiful, scandalous good friday

I've been thinking about what this day - the day they killed Jesus - must have been like all those many years ago. I can't seem to get past the heartbreak of the faithful who were witnessing all of it. I know the feeling of intense disappointment and disillusionment and just gut-wrenching sorrow. But I am certain that nothing I've ever felt comes even remotely close to what Jesus' followers were feeling that day. Can you imagine it? The man who you believed (with all your heart) was supposed to be your savior...dies. He dies. Can you imagine the heartache? Can you imagine the sorrow? Can you imagine the disbelief?

See...we know the ending. So even when we try really hard to burrow down into the sorrow and to feel the pain of Good Friday, there's still a light at the end of the tunnel. We know the celebration that's coming. We know that in only a few short days, eternal victory will be gained. But on that day, they didn't know the end. They thought it was the end. He was dead. He was gone. And their hearts were broken.

And then...He came back. He won. He finished the battle forever.

I am so thankful that after that intense heartache, there comes the most incredible joy imaginable. I am so thankful for this beautiful, scandalous story that has saved my life.

I can't fully wrap my mind around the sacrifice that was made for me or the countless ways in which I have been saved. I can't comprehend the simultaneous simplicity and complexity of the plan that was executed that has saved me. But I'm unbelievably grateful for it. And I will forever stand in awe (with arms high and heart abandoned) of the One who gave it all.

Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore
Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified
Follow Christ to the holy mountain
Sinner sorry and wrecked by the fall
Cleanse your heart and your soul
In the fountain that flows
For you and for me and for all

At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night

On the hillside, you will be delivered
At the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored
By the river that pours
From our blessed Savior's side

Amen.

good life.

Here's another song I've been listening to lately. It's pretty much just a constant cycle of this one, the one from yesterday, and the one I'll post tomorrow. They're all just so good.

The sky is grey and it's chilly outside and I'm about to go for a walk with my lovely mom. This really is the good life.

cosmic love.

I've been listening to this on repeat for days now.

I can't get over it.

I don't want to get over it.

(Today wasn't the best. But tomorrow brings the promise of a day off, a walk with my mom, some sun, and some rain.

Life goes on.

I go on.)

Friday randomness

This morning was a gorgeous, hazy, golden dawn. It made me wish that Mr. Darcy would come walking across the parking lot to me (holding my grande iced non-fat Chai so I wouldn't have to go get it myself, of course) and tell me that I had bewitched him, body and soul. No luck, though - I had to go to Starbucks myself and I don't think anyone is feeling bewitched by me. But, at least the drive to work was beautiful. And it's Friday!

I played in a faculty basketball game yesterday, representing my Chargers. We dominated. I have a big bruise on my arm, a floor burn on my knee, and a fingernail gouge out of my right hand. I love it. It's just like the days of old. And one of my players came up to me after the game and said, "Quinlan! You're like...really good! You're a true baller!" It was gratifying and it reminded me of how much I miss playing that sport every day.

One year ago today I was in Paris, headed to Interlaken, Switzerland (my favorite place in the world).

Tonight, the roommate and I are going to see Jane Eyre. It's one of my favorite books, so I have high expectations for this movie. Mr. Rochester...please don't disappoint me.

They put in a new Yogurtland copy near my school...I was skeptical. But then I went...and it was glorious. NuYo - thank you for rescuing my yogurtland-less existence.

This is incredibly random. And now I'm off to science class in which I will zone out and dream of the beautiful, hazy morning and Mr. Darcy. And possibly Mr. Rochester.

Happy Friday!

summer...I think I'm ready for you.

While I certainly love this:

(this was a self-portrait...I'm fairly certain it was -2 when I took this walk. NBD.)

I think I'm about ready for more of this:

("this" would be hanging out with my good friend Stacy in the warm and sun and sunglasses.)

Summer ball starts soon. I don't have to wear my down jacket every time I go outside anymore. It's been over a week since I scraped ice off of my windshield. Summer is quickly approaching, and I'm glad. I love the seasons in Colorado - every time I'm about to get sick of one, a new one shows up.

The job search process has to be one of my least favorite things ever. So much work with so little reward. And talk about kicking you when you're down. You're already unemployed (hit one) and then you send out endless numbers of applications and resumes only to hear back from about .1% of them. And then the right one comes along and it's all fine again, but until that happens, the endless string of rejections and uncertainty that accompanies them is not pleasant.

One year ago today I was in Europe, about to be financially dominated by a volcano.

Happy April.

goodbye, March.

So...I kind of abandoned the whole "blog challenge" thing there at the end. In the interest of full disclosure, I have to tell you that I kind of intended to all along. I knew that there was no way I was actually going to write every day while I was in Santa Barbara, and since I failed to start the challenge more than 30 days before I left....well, we'll just call it a 26 day challenge instead.

My time in Santa Barbara was basically perfection. Perfect weather, wonderful friends, and a fleeting escape from the somewhat scary reality of life right now. (I did my taxes before I left...my annual income was pitiful. And now I have no job. Good.) Anyways...I feel just beyond blessed to have two homes that I love so much and such incredible people in my life.

So...now it's back to the grind. Work all day, search for new jobs all evening. But I am very confident in the Lord. I am certain that the plan He has for me is what's best for me. It's been a long and winding road to get to where I am, and I really wouldn't change a step of it (except for maybe my three week stint at Dazbog...not really sure what the point of that was...). I am sure that the road I'm on, though it will continue to wind, will lead me to exactly the right place.

day twenty-six: vacation!

I'm sitting in my friend Juliann's gorgeous kitchen, looking out the window at the sea and the grey sky and the channel islands in the distance. It's wet and chilly in Santa Barbara, but my heart is warm.

The next five days are full of plans (mostly revolving around food) and friends and hopefully rest. And while in the back of my mind there is a chorus of "what next? where next? no job no job no job"....I am calm and grateful and happy.

So now I am off to enjoy the rest of this vacation. Hopefully Santa Barbara will feel compelled to throw a little sunshine my way, but if not, I'll still be satisfied. Because I have been blessed without measure.

Sometimes, life is so wonderful.

(I'll be back to finish my blog challenge and delight you with stories of my Santa Barbaran adventures in a few days...never fear.)

day 25 - sometimes life sucks.

i haven't felt like writing.

i think it's legitimate.

big life changes (like getting laid off) tend to send me reeling.

but i will survive to write again.

(for the record, i do have a job for the rest of the school year. but after that, thanks to budget cuts, it's back to the drawing board. i'm really sick of job hunting.)

Day twenty-four: a letter to the best people in the world.

Dear Parents,

Thank you. Thanks for creating me and for raising me and for putting up with my snotty teenage years and for supporting my decision to go to college out of state and for letting me move back into your house after graduation from said college and for becoming my best friends.

I know of so many people who have simply mediocre relationships with their parents. They don't have people supporting them every step of the way like I do. They don't have people gently pushing them to be the best possible version of themselves like I do. They don't have people who they genuinely enjoy spending their time with like I do.

The best compliments I have ever received are when people tell me that I remind them of you guys. What an incredible honor! Because you are the two most amazing people I know. I look up to you in every way, and you are everything that I strive to be. You know that one episode of Friends when Rachel is teaching Joey how to sail? And she screams at him and then realizes she's her father? She says, "Oh my God! I did not see this coming! I've been spending so much time trying not to be my mother." It's a funny moment and all, but I am beyond thankful that I have never felt that way. No...I'd be saying, "Oh my God! Thank you for letting me become my mother and my father!" Because you guys are everything that is good about me.

I can't even begin to count the things that you've taught me. It would take more time than I have, that's for sure. And I definitely couldn't count the many things that I've learned just by watching you navigate your own lives - how to be a person of honesty and integrity, how to approach everything in my life with 100% of my effort and dedication, how to love other people, and how to live as a Godly woman, to name just a few. You are pillars of consistency in my life, and if I end up being even half as wonderful of a parent as you have been to me, my kids will be the luckiest in the world.

I love you guys so much, and I am so grateful for every single moment that I get to spend with you. Thank you for being, quite literally, the best parents in the world.

With all my love...

Your daughter,

Kelsey Quinlan

Day twenty-three: celebrations.

Day 23 - Something you crave a lot:

If we're talking food? Cheese. And tortilla chips. And occasionally Swedish Fish.

If we're talking life? Companionship. Sunshine. Time to sit and read. Laughter. Feeling the blessed assurance that Jesus is mine.

I think that about covers it. When you get to the bottom of it, life is pretty simple, isn't it?

Tomorrow is another Monday - the beginning of another week. But this week is the last week until spring break, which is exciting on a multitude of levels, not the least of which is my desperate need for a break. Today was my basketball banquet - yet another reminder of how blessed I have been. What a great opportunity to celebrate these wonderful young women - the unique and beautiful creations that they are. We laughed, some of us (me) cried, and we rejoiced in the bright future these girls have before them. I find myself, once again, thanking God for them.

And now? Now is off to read and then to sleep and to live another day in this lovely life that I've been gifted.

Sleep well, my friends.

days twenty and twenty-two: some thoughts.

I've gone on and on about practicing discipline and here I am - at my first real slip up in this blog challenge. I wish I had a good excuse for not writing on days 20 and 22, but the reality is that I just didn't write.

Instead of writing about the prompts for those days (one of which asks about relationships, which is a road I just don't even want to go down right now), I have some thoughts.

I've had a lot on my mind lately. There are times in my life when I feel so aware of all the heartache and sorrow and imperfection in the world, and this is one of those times. My heart breaks for the people of Japan every day when I read the news and it's just one tragedy after another for them. And we can't forget about New Zealand and the horrible earthquake in Christchurch last month. And then there's the unrest in Libya. And there's just so much wrong in the world. It makes my very small life feel just that...very small.

But here's the thing - my small life...it's still mine. And as I sit here on my couch at 7:00 on a Sunday morning, wrapped in my big quilt, listening to this and watching the sunrise light paint the mountains through my window, I'm thankful for this life. (Confession...that wasn't what I originally intended to write...but it's true. I have problems and worries and concerns, but I'm thankful just the same.)

I read this in my devotional the other day, and it has been constantly with me since then: "I refuse to worry, but instead choose to rest in the finished work of Christ." It occured to me that I can refuse to worry. I don't have to give in to that feeling of near panic and anxiety about my future. When worries come into my mind, I can say, "No! I refuse to acknowledge you. I'm choosing to rest in the fact that Christ already has my plan figured out. I refuse to worry." What freedom! What a cause for celebration!

The prompt for day twenty-two asks, "what makes you different from everyone else?" And here's the thing - I'm not different from everyone else, really. I'm just another person. But what makes me unique (what makes us all unique) is the Father who knows our names, knows our hearts, and knows every single hair on our head. That's better to me than any other distinguishing feature. What makes me different from everyone else? I'm different because my Savior created me (and loves me) that way.

day twenty-one.

Day 21 - a picture of something that makes you happy:

I'm tired. Dealing with high schoolers is hard work sometimes.

Promise for a better one tomorrow.

day nineteen - some nicknames.

Day 19 - any nicknames you have and why you have them:

I have a few nicknames, most of them relating somehow to my last name, but not many of them are used very often. Here they are, though:

- Kels - for obvious reasons. Also, due to a permanent 2-year retainer, I have a tiny bit of a lisp and "Kelsey" is kind of hard for me to say.
- K - again, for obvious reasons. This one is used by Emily, and Emily alone.
- Meggie - a variation of my middle name - used only by my uncle Doug (or Douggie, to me).
- Q-dawg - a basketball team nickname
- Mini-Q - a coaching nickname, derived from the fact that my dad is "Q"
- Quinnie - I'm not really sure why.
- K-Quizzy - (pronounced K-Queasy) - because one time in college I dressed up like a thug.
- Coachy - because 14 year old girls like to call their coach something cutesy
- Giant Gorilla - because I work at a daycare and kids are weird
- Sassy Pants - see above
- Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman - because people think they're clever
- Ms. Qdoba ('doba for short) - because I work at a high school and teenagers are weird

I think that's all.

In other news, the sun is shining and it's warm and it's almost spring break and I'm having a great hair day :)

day eighteen - dreams

Day 18 - some plans/dreams/goals that you have:

Well isn't this just the loaded prompt? I have to start with a confession: I always feel really lame when people start the "what is your dream?" conversation, because I feel like I don't really have one. (I know that's lame and probably untrue, but bear with me.) I have dreams of being happy and successful, of getting married and having kids someday, and of someday living in a house instead of an apartment. I have dreams of traveling with my family and growing old with someone and spending a happy retirement occupied with some sort of all-consuming hobby (like scrapbooking or water aerobics or something). But those aren't the kind of dreams being asked about in those conversations. I don't dream of being a doctor or inventing something or running a marathon or going to grad school. My dreams are smaller than that. And for a long time I thought that the small scale of my dreams meant that they were insignificant. I often wondered if there was something wrong with my makeup, that all I longed for was a happy family and not a high-powered career with a completely disposable income attached to it. But that's not true. My dreams are significant. My dreams reflect my heart.

And I believe that my dreams will come true someday.

(Also, how good was Glee tonight!?)

day 17 (plus some random thoughts)

Day 17 - someone you would like to trade lives with for a day.

So...I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about this. (More than I should have, maybe...) and I came up with this - I wouldn't want to trade lives with anyone. There are parts of other people's lives that I occasionally envy (financial security, job security, fantastic relationships, etc.) but for the most part, I am perfectly content with just being...me.

In other news, The Bachelor finale (the most dramatic one ever!) was on last night, and while it is still ridiculously contrived fake tv, there was quite a bit more real life substance to it then I've ever seen before. Some real conversations about real issues, not just "this is such a fairytale, I'm so in love and will be forever" and eye twinkling. I appreciated the little dose of actual reality in reality tv, and wish that the producers of the show would realize that these moments of substance are what most veiwers would actually like to see. However, I know I'm bound to be disappointed when I inevitably start watching next season, despite my best intentions not to.

Unrelated: there needs to be a universal symbol for sarcasm that can be used on facebook, twitter, text messages, etc. Because I far too often get myself in trouble because tone of voice and facial expressions get lost in online translation. I'm going to think of something and try to get it to catch on. It will be so fetch. Who's with me?!?

day sixteen - my short lived modeling career.

Day 16 - some more pictures of yourself:

My friend Jeff Shipley took these photos of me a couple of years ago...and that was the extent of my lucrative modeling career haha. But seriously...he's really talented. Go check him out.

In other (much more serious) news, things in the world are a mess lately, aren't they? My heart just breaks for the people of Japan - what a tragedy. My prayers go out to them, and I just ask for God to be present there. It's hard to imagine any good coming of a tragedy of this magnitude, but with Him, all things are possible.